So... Another Year.. GONE! 2012.. WHERE DID YOU GO?! hahaha
I had a LOT OF FUN this year.. I went to Hawai'i and Las Vegas, New York, Big Bear, Indio, and tons of other places. I did not dance as much as I would have liked.. But not to worry.. I will do LOTS LOTS MORE OF THAT NEXT YEAR!
I learned a lot about myself this year. Just dealing with Friendships. And what an Actual friend is... I stated going to the gym again and just working on my fitness. I have goals i want to achieve very soon.
2012 is the last year i will be living in the house with mother. Yes.. you heard me right.. I am moving out.. It's about time! HAHAH..
2012 was the year where i finally started to do things when and how i wanted to. its the year that taught me i can do things on my own.
Had my 1 year mark of having a Stable job... Man that meant a lot!
I started to become more of my own person. Not depending on other people to make choices for me. Independence... It felt good.
2012..
One of the Best years of my Adult Life.
I may not have done or gotten everything i wanted to this year.. But overall, it is one that I will never forget. In a good way!
So.. Here's to 2O12!!!! One of the Best Years of My Life....
And to 2O13!!!! I'M READY for you!
CHEERS!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Somethings Gotta Change.
Imma start off by saying... HELLO TO ALL MY READERS... (THE 3 OF YOU THAT FOLLOW ME!!) haha... I am sorry for being M.I.A. these past couple of months but i just have not felt like writing. I've gone through some things that I will get into a little bit later.. But for right now i just wanted to say What UP!!!!! :-)
Now that THAT is out of the way let's get into the meat and potatos of this blog. First of all i really do not know what I want to write about since soo many little things have happened that I can not remember all of them individually. I always say i should write about whatever happened but i dont have the energy at the end of the day.
Mainly from my job! My job is soo Boring and just seems like a waste of time for me. I spend sometimes two hours to get here... fall asleep about 50 times a day, and then after work drive either to the gym, or drive 2 more hours home!!!!! IT'S DRAINING, and i do not want to be doing this for a long time. WORKERS COMP is not for me!
Now I Know having a job is better then not, but when you are miserable doing your job, is it really that much worse then not having a job. I feel like I am sacrificing my happiness for a paycheck... and slowly becoming someone I do not want to be because i am not happy where i work.
I am Trying to Move to New York in the near future and when i go there i want to be doing something that I love. Something that I would want to wake up for and enjoy doing. I am trying to find that job... but i am not even sure where to begin looking. I feel like i sm 13 all over again not knowing who I am. I feel lost in a sea of people succeeding around me, but with me feeling and believing i will never succeed.
I am trying to get back into dancing because that is where i feel I NEED to be. I miss it soo much. I just feel like dancing always hates me. (More on that on another date)
I just want to find something that I am good at. Something i can excel at! Is it wrong that i want people to look up to me because of a skill I have??? I know that i am destined for something bigger and greater then where i am at right now!!!! I just dont know what. Everything i try i fail at...
If at first you don't succeed.. Dust yourself off and try again right? I'm trying.. but everytime i don't succeed, it gets harder and harder for me to dust myself off and truly try again.
Now onto Love.
This is the hardest to deal with because i REALLY dont know what i am doing. I try one way of going about it, it blows up in my face, i try another.. that way blows up in my face.. and I end up with the same results.. Alone. Lonely. More Hurt, and findng myself feeling desperate. In this last situation I THOUGHT everything was going good.. I was actually looking forward to taking things to the next level and maybe getting my first real boyfriend, but... i guess he lost interest and just left me in the waiting zone. The "Let's wait until things are better to try to be in a relationship" way of thinking will not get both of us anywhere.. It's never going to be completely convenient for both parties, But I know both parties will benefit from the experience.
I really liked him...
I guess I was not good enough.
I'm never good enough.
I'm 26 (By the way.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, I missed my usual annual post on my birthday) Never had a boyfriend, always told to wait or just completelty looked over, and in the aftermath just left feeling empty. I don't want to be desperate... I don't want to just settle for anything. I don't want to be waiting, I don't want to be on the backburner...
hmm....
Nothing in my life is the way i would like for it to be... Its slowly tearing me down, Making me feel like i am nothing.. I am losing the strength and the will to keep fighting for what I know I deserve. In all aspects of my life i feel like i am a failure. I have a job (hate it), i am not dancing, i am without someone to Love, and i feel stuck.
Somethings HAS GOT TO CHANGE.
I guess starting with my attitude... so come very very soon I am really going to try to start taking dance classes and just get my mind right. I want to find a new job, not focus soo much on Love and just focus on making myself better.
(Sigh)... Somethings gotta change. It really needs to.
Now that THAT is out of the way let's get into the meat and potatos of this blog. First of all i really do not know what I want to write about since soo many little things have happened that I can not remember all of them individually. I always say i should write about whatever happened but i dont have the energy at the end of the day.
Mainly from my job! My job is soo Boring and just seems like a waste of time for me. I spend sometimes two hours to get here... fall asleep about 50 times a day, and then after work drive either to the gym, or drive 2 more hours home!!!!! IT'S DRAINING, and i do not want to be doing this for a long time. WORKERS COMP is not for me!
Now I Know having a job is better then not, but when you are miserable doing your job, is it really that much worse then not having a job. I feel like I am sacrificing my happiness for a paycheck... and slowly becoming someone I do not want to be because i am not happy where i work.
I am Trying to Move to New York in the near future and when i go there i want to be doing something that I love. Something that I would want to wake up for and enjoy doing. I am trying to find that job... but i am not even sure where to begin looking. I feel like i sm 13 all over again not knowing who I am. I feel lost in a sea of people succeeding around me, but with me feeling and believing i will never succeed.
I am trying to get back into dancing because that is where i feel I NEED to be. I miss it soo much. I just feel like dancing always hates me. (More on that on another date)
I just want to find something that I am good at. Something i can excel at! Is it wrong that i want people to look up to me because of a skill I have??? I know that i am destined for something bigger and greater then where i am at right now!!!! I just dont know what. Everything i try i fail at...
If at first you don't succeed.. Dust yourself off and try again right? I'm trying.. but everytime i don't succeed, it gets harder and harder for me to dust myself off and truly try again.
Now onto Love.
This is the hardest to deal with because i REALLY dont know what i am doing. I try one way of going about it, it blows up in my face, i try another.. that way blows up in my face.. and I end up with the same results.. Alone. Lonely. More Hurt, and findng myself feeling desperate. In this last situation I THOUGHT everything was going good.. I was actually looking forward to taking things to the next level and maybe getting my first real boyfriend, but... i guess he lost interest and just left me in the waiting zone. The "Let's wait until things are better to try to be in a relationship" way of thinking will not get both of us anywhere.. It's never going to be completely convenient for both parties, But I know both parties will benefit from the experience.
I really liked him...
I guess I was not good enough.
I'm never good enough.
I'm 26 (By the way.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, I missed my usual annual post on my birthday) Never had a boyfriend, always told to wait or just completelty looked over, and in the aftermath just left feeling empty. I don't want to be desperate... I don't want to just settle for anything. I don't want to be waiting, I don't want to be on the backburner...
hmm....
Nothing in my life is the way i would like for it to be... Its slowly tearing me down, Making me feel like i am nothing.. I am losing the strength and the will to keep fighting for what I know I deserve. In all aspects of my life i feel like i am a failure. I have a job (hate it), i am not dancing, i am without someone to Love, and i feel stuck.
Somethings HAS GOT TO CHANGE.
I guess starting with my attitude... so come very very soon I am really going to try to start taking dance classes and just get my mind right. I want to find a new job, not focus soo much on Love and just focus on making myself better.
(Sigh)... Somethings gotta change. It really needs to.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Back burner.
I seem to be the majority of the worlds Last resort when it comes to everything... I am always put on the back burner... or am forgotten about. You would think at the age of 25 one would be noticed or respected enough from people that they would not do this to me... But... that is not the case...
The stupid thing, or the thing that makes me dumb is the fact that I always forgive and give them chance after chance after chance and they do the exact same thing over and over and over again... Leaving me feeling dumb, stupid, and worthless...
It's time I do something about that... But.....
I just dont know what...
I'm lost and confused....
The stupid thing, or the thing that makes me dumb is the fact that I always forgive and give them chance after chance after chance and they do the exact same thing over and over and over again... Leaving me feeling dumb, stupid, and worthless...
It's time I do something about that... But.....
I just dont know what...
I'm lost and confused....
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Anniversary.
I don't know if you will ever read this but.... Happy 5 year Anniversary to you and your boo. May you both continue to love each other and be happy for many more years to come.
Happy Birthday Whitney Houston!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WHITNEY HOUSTON!!!!! Man I LOVED her SOO much!!!! It really hurt when she left this Earth.. But I am soo glad her music will live on FOREVER!!!!!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
SAY MY NAME!
Umm.. I just realized I do NOT like a guy saying my name when I am having sex with him...Or when he is playing with himself and saying my name in ecstasy and pleasure..... It's not a turn on to me.. and TRICK I KNOW MY NAME! ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO SAY MY NAME A LOT TO REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE WITH?!!?!?! and if that is the case, then... ummmm.... we have a Bigger Problem! HAHAHA
Just a random tidbit of Info! HAHAHA
Just a random tidbit of Info! HAHAHA
Sunday, June 24, 2012
An Addiction.
So... i have found myself once again using craigslist to try to get off and meet some people...
Not a good look... Where and WHEN did i fall into this sort of desperation...
I'm soo upset at myself every time i go on there and look at personals..
Because all it does is leave me depressed and upset at myself.
Making me feel even more unwanted and just overall sad and bad for myself.
Now please forgive me for what i am about to say if this applies to you,
But now i know how it feels when someone who is overweight cries everytime they over eat
and they feel horrible and bad even while doing it..
But they keep on doing it.
I feel the same way..
I feel soo bad when i am on it but i cant seem to stay away from it...
I have never posted a ad on there.. but i have responded...
and 98% of them do not respond. or if they do.. they are not interested in me.
I find myself on CL hitting the refresh button every 2 minutes or even less just looking for someone to be into me.. touch me, get off with me.. SOMETHING.. but i end up nowhere.. and feeling horrible...
I have sank soo low that i am now trying to whore myself out to anyone that will take me..
Am i that lonely where i have to resort to that...
I guess so..
I just want to feel loved.. a wanting touch.. and kiss.. a hug.. ...
Something..
Anything..
But I gotta stop...
It's My Addiction..
an Addiction that will do nothing more then Destroy me...
I sound like a broken record i know.
But i just want someone to hold me and really want to.
i'm trying to focus on myself lately but the more i try to focus on me.. the stronger that hunger for love gets..
Which makes me just want to whore myself out there and really not give a foof..
But i cant even do that.. cuz NO ONE wants me...
Nothing i can do.
I know i'm a good catch.. but no one sees that...
Enough of this pity party..
I'm sorry..
Not a good look... Where and WHEN did i fall into this sort of desperation...
I'm soo upset at myself every time i go on there and look at personals..
Because all it does is leave me depressed and upset at myself.
Making me feel even more unwanted and just overall sad and bad for myself.
Now please forgive me for what i am about to say if this applies to you,
But now i know how it feels when someone who is overweight cries everytime they over eat
and they feel horrible and bad even while doing it..
But they keep on doing it.
I feel the same way..
I feel soo bad when i am on it but i cant seem to stay away from it...
I have never posted a ad on there.. but i have responded...
and 98% of them do not respond. or if they do.. they are not interested in me.
I find myself on CL hitting the refresh button every 2 minutes or even less just looking for someone to be into me.. touch me, get off with me.. SOMETHING.. but i end up nowhere.. and feeling horrible...
I have sank soo low that i am now trying to whore myself out to anyone that will take me..
Am i that lonely where i have to resort to that...
I guess so..
I just want to feel loved.. a wanting touch.. and kiss.. a hug.. ...
Something..
Anything..
But I gotta stop...
It's My Addiction..
an Addiction that will do nothing more then Destroy me...
I sound like a broken record i know.
But i just want someone to hold me and really want to.
i'm trying to focus on myself lately but the more i try to focus on me.. the stronger that hunger for love gets..
Which makes me just want to whore myself out there and really not give a foof..
But i cant even do that.. cuz NO ONE wants me...
Nothing i can do.
I know i'm a good catch.. but no one sees that...
Enough of this pity party..
I'm sorry..
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Almost.
So Maybe I'll Be here..
Maybe I'll see you around...
That's the way it goes....
Almost doesn't count.
-Brandy "Almost Doesn't Count"
Maybe I'll see you around...
That's the way it goes....
Almost doesn't count.
-Brandy "Almost Doesn't Count"
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Stupid Love
I Feel Stupid for going to craigslist and trying to find love..
Even though i know it is fake...
I feel even More dumb for replying to people.. and getting nothing back in return...
And even MORE stupid for letting it get to me when we do decide to meet.. and then when the time comes near they stop responding to my texts and calls...
I just feel overall dumb for All of it..
What am I looking for?! Why have I put myself here?!
Does it say "Ignore Darrick" on my forehead?!
I guess i am just longing for human physical interaction...
Kissing.. Holding.. Cuddling.. Grinding.. All of that..
So i'm looking for anyone to fill the void...
:-(
This is someplace i NEVER thought i would be.
LOVE.... You're NEVER on my side...
Not even FAKE LOVE is on my side...
I can't do anything but sit and be by myself..
I try to be patient and wait for love to come naturally.. but it has not come...
And then i try to just get love where i can.. but that is not even coming either....
I don't know what to do....
I feel like I am going to Die alone... With never having experienced real Love....
I guess my tears are the only thing that's reliable in these situations.
Even though i know it is fake...
I feel even More dumb for replying to people.. and getting nothing back in return...
And even MORE stupid for letting it get to me when we do decide to meet.. and then when the time comes near they stop responding to my texts and calls...
I just feel overall dumb for All of it..
What am I looking for?! Why have I put myself here?!
Does it say "Ignore Darrick" on my forehead?!
I guess i am just longing for human physical interaction...
Kissing.. Holding.. Cuddling.. Grinding.. All of that..
So i'm looking for anyone to fill the void...
:-(
This is someplace i NEVER thought i would be.
LOVE.... You're NEVER on my side...
Not even FAKE LOVE is on my side...
I can't do anything but sit and be by myself..
I try to be patient and wait for love to come naturally.. but it has not come...
And then i try to just get love where i can.. but that is not even coming either....
I don't know what to do....
I feel like I am going to Die alone... With never having experienced real Love....
I guess my tears are the only thing that's reliable in these situations.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
PLEASE LORD!
(Sigh)
I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life...
I am soo scared...
I want to cry... I really really do! It's keeping me up at night.. I don't want ot eat. drink.. do ANYTHING but lie here and cry...
Why was i So DUMB..
The one time i step out and this is a possibility?!?!?!?!
Please, If you are reading this.. Pray for me! and Pray that I make it through this unchanged!
(Sigh)
I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life...
I am soo scared...
I want to cry... I really really do! It's keeping me up at night.. I don't want ot eat. drink.. do ANYTHING but lie here and cry...
Why was i So DUMB..
The one time i step out and this is a possibility?!?!?!?!
Please, If you are reading this.. Pray for me! and Pray that I make it through this unchanged!
(Sigh)
Monday, May 21, 2012
I Find Myself.
The More I Search for Me and who I am.. the deeper i go into where i do not want to be... The more Lost i feel.. The more hopeless and Used I feel...
Nothing seems to be going the way I would like for it to go..
And the more I try to figure out why, the more I find myself lost, dazed, and confused...
This is NOT what being 25 is suppose to be..
I see my friends and others LIVING their Lives.. Having a good time.. Enjoying things.. Knowing who they are..
While I am stuck. With what seems like nowhere to turn.
Alone, In the dark.
Because of this feeling I Find myself doing STUPID things (Ex.. Having sex with a random guy I just met Bareback!!!!) I have NEVER done that before... And now I am scared, NO TERRIFIED I might have something... :-( (PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET ME HAVE SOMETHING)
I think I am physcially making myself sick from stressing on if I have something or not... :-/
I am stressing myself out and This is Not the kind of life I want to live!!!
Am I trying to Feel a void in my life? And if so, what is it..
Why am I in this place and state of emotions that I am in.
I can't suck it up because it's something that is bothering me..
It's weighing down on me Physically also.. I am more tired..My back hurts.. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning.. It's hard for me to fall asleep at night...
I can't keep living like this..
But I am scared because the more I try to change things.. the Worse it seems to get for Me.. Emotionally.. Physically.. Mentally.
My Hormones are all jacked up also because I want to Have sex soo bad!!!!!!! But then at the same time I don't...
I believe I am scared to have an emotional connection with someone because of how hurt and damaged I became last time I let myself get close to someone.
Because of this I find myself on Craigslist Looking at the personals More and More trying to engage in those DANGEROUS acts.. You dont know what you are getting yourself into when it comes to those personals... I am starting to feel desperate.. Lonely. confused..and just looking for ANYTHING to feel good and have some sort of acceptance.. that someone wants me... I even thought today of even putting a personal on there myself.. And THAT right there is when i knew i was at a low. So Desperate.
I want a relationship soo bad.. but then I am deatly terrified of them...
I'm Afraid of Myself..
Why am i Sooo Desperate for something i am SOO afraid of?!
I find myself constantly checking my phone HOPING that someone sent me a text message.. Hoping that it is someone that I like.. Hoping they would like me back.. Just hoping.. Wishing... Praying.... for JUST ONE... just one. (Sigh)
There are days when I feel if I was not here in this world that things would be better... Or that no one would be affected by it.
It's Like I am not in existance.
How can you meet soo many people.. and not ONE person you are interested in is interested in you back?! Not.. A.. Single.. One...
I just Hate putting in SOO much effort and feeling like i am getting nothing back.. or rejected.. or embarrassed.. or getting something I KNOW I don't deserve.. or seeing someone who worked WAY less or did not try as hard get the rewards while I am left with... Nothing... or the emotional heartbreak.. The tiresome Banter of thoughts.. The physical pain of the burdens that haunt me everyday -->(Will I ever be happy? Will I ever find the one for me? Why is EVERYTHING taking so long? Why can I not be where I want and feel I need to be right now? What is Wrong with me?)
Why can't people see the kind of Guy i am... Or maybe they are REALLY seeing the kind of guy I am and I AM THE ONE not seeing what they are seeing.
I feel stuck... I feel trapped... Trapped in my own mind. Trapped in something that I do not want to be in...
I'm Changing.. and I am not sure if I like who I am becoming.
I want to be happy, full of life, and just the plain Ol' Darrick that once was...
Every year gets tougher and tougher.. The mental games I play with myself get harder and harder...
I have not been happy for YEARS! I guess it's just all catching up and coming to the surface right now. Showing a different face of itself.. Something I have never seen before.. Something I don not want to see again.
A New Beast I need to conquer...
I can not do it alone.
God I need you.. Cuz I know I am not the Person You want me to be...
I cant do this anymore.
Nothing seems to be going the way I would like for it to go..
And the more I try to figure out why, the more I find myself lost, dazed, and confused...
This is NOT what being 25 is suppose to be..
I see my friends and others LIVING their Lives.. Having a good time.. Enjoying things.. Knowing who they are..
While I am stuck. With what seems like nowhere to turn.
Alone, In the dark.
Because of this feeling I Find myself doing STUPID things (Ex.. Having sex with a random guy I just met Bareback!!!!) I have NEVER done that before... And now I am scared, NO TERRIFIED I might have something... :-( (PLEASE GOD, DON'T LET ME HAVE SOMETHING)
I think I am physcially making myself sick from stressing on if I have something or not... :-/
I am stressing myself out and This is Not the kind of life I want to live!!!
Am I trying to Feel a void in my life? And if so, what is it..
Why am I in this place and state of emotions that I am in.
I can't suck it up because it's something that is bothering me..
It's weighing down on me Physically also.. I am more tired..My back hurts.. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning.. It's hard for me to fall asleep at night...
I can't keep living like this..
But I am scared because the more I try to change things.. the Worse it seems to get for Me.. Emotionally.. Physically.. Mentally.
My Hormones are all jacked up also because I want to Have sex soo bad!!!!!!! But then at the same time I don't...
I believe I am scared to have an emotional connection with someone because of how hurt and damaged I became last time I let myself get close to someone.
Because of this I find myself on Craigslist Looking at the personals More and More trying to engage in those DANGEROUS acts.. You dont know what you are getting yourself into when it comes to those personals... I am starting to feel desperate.. Lonely. confused..and just looking for ANYTHING to feel good and have some sort of acceptance.. that someone wants me... I even thought today of even putting a personal on there myself.. And THAT right there is when i knew i was at a low. So Desperate.
I want a relationship soo bad.. but then I am deatly terrified of them...
I'm Afraid of Myself..
Why am i Sooo Desperate for something i am SOO afraid of?!
I find myself constantly checking my phone HOPING that someone sent me a text message.. Hoping that it is someone that I like.. Hoping they would like me back.. Just hoping.. Wishing... Praying.... for JUST ONE... just one. (Sigh)
There are days when I feel if I was not here in this world that things would be better... Or that no one would be affected by it.
It's Like I am not in existance.
How can you meet soo many people.. and not ONE person you are interested in is interested in you back?! Not.. A.. Single.. One...
I just Hate putting in SOO much effort and feeling like i am getting nothing back.. or rejected.. or embarrassed.. or getting something I KNOW I don't deserve.. or seeing someone who worked WAY less or did not try as hard get the rewards while I am left with... Nothing... or the emotional heartbreak.. The tiresome Banter of thoughts.. The physical pain of the burdens that haunt me everyday -->(Will I ever be happy? Will I ever find the one for me? Why is EVERYTHING taking so long? Why can I not be where I want and feel I need to be right now? What is Wrong with me?)
Why can't people see the kind of Guy i am... Or maybe they are REALLY seeing the kind of guy I am and I AM THE ONE not seeing what they are seeing.
I feel stuck... I feel trapped... Trapped in my own mind. Trapped in something that I do not want to be in...
I'm Changing.. and I am not sure if I like who I am becoming.
I want to be happy, full of life, and just the plain Ol' Darrick that once was...
Every year gets tougher and tougher.. The mental games I play with myself get harder and harder...
I have not been happy for YEARS! I guess it's just all catching up and coming to the surface right now. Showing a different face of itself.. Something I have never seen before.. Something I don not want to see again.
A New Beast I need to conquer...
I can not do it alone.
God I need you.. Cuz I know I am not the Person You want me to be...
I cant do this anymore.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Take My Breath Away....
....by Berlin is a song that is on constant repeat for today.
I have always loved this song but for some reason today I am REALLY feeling the strings and everything that this song stands for..
But anyway. when i started this particular entry i had something to say.. But now i forgot.. HAHAHA..
Well I took off work today because i was not feeling well this morning.. Thank Goodness i feel better now! I HATE losing money! I wish there was a way i could make up and get that money back... But i guess my body was telling me i needed to chill for a day... cuz without a healthy body you can not do a lot .. right...
This quest for Love has led to a dead end of the tunnel... It seems like it has been at a dead end for years now... And even when i get my Hammer and try to chip at the end of the tunnel.. I still see no ray of light to guide me in the right direction. I'm getting older.. and the view of me REALLY being alone comes across my mind more and more frequently.. I know I sound like a REALLY BAD BROKEN RECORD.. but man.. Does it take going to Craigslist to try and find someone?!
I really HOPE NOT! Cuz that is Not cute at all...
But then again... Do i even want a relationship.. I mean.. I have been alone all these years.. Do I REALLY need someone there for me...
Maybe I need to Take my Own breath Away....
HAHAHA...
OH NO... THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE!!!! That sounds like i am going to kill myself... NEVER THAT! I LOVE LIFE TOO MUCH.
But I can't help but think there is a reason why i have been alone all these years, or why things never seem to even get passed stage 1 in any sort of possible potential boyfriend.
Ok I'm sick of always coming on here RANTING about Love.. I'm tired of writing it.. So i know y'all are tired of reading it. But i guess that was what the foundation of this blog was started on, so I guess this is my Quest for LOVE blog.. cuz i have other blogs, but this one always seems to come back to love.. whatever i talk about, LOVE always gets thrown in there...
I'll Meet him one day.. or maybe i already met him.. DANGIT IF THATS THE CASE IMMA BE PISSED!!!! "HE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO" (Said as ricky ricardo would say it!) hahaha.. or Maybe he has waited longer for me... I don't know.....
I just need something to go right in my life... Have and serve a purpose. A positive purpose.... Because my job is starting to wear on me negatively... And thats all i have right now.. Is my job...
Ok.. I know this probably doesn't make any sense.. But it's how i am feeling...
Well Y'all have an Awesome Day and I will get at y'all Later.
Peace.
I have always loved this song but for some reason today I am REALLY feeling the strings and everything that this song stands for..
But anyway. when i started this particular entry i had something to say.. But now i forgot.. HAHAHA..
Well I took off work today because i was not feeling well this morning.. Thank Goodness i feel better now! I HATE losing money! I wish there was a way i could make up and get that money back... But i guess my body was telling me i needed to chill for a day... cuz without a healthy body you can not do a lot .. right...
This quest for Love has led to a dead end of the tunnel... It seems like it has been at a dead end for years now... And even when i get my Hammer and try to chip at the end of the tunnel.. I still see no ray of light to guide me in the right direction. I'm getting older.. and the view of me REALLY being alone comes across my mind more and more frequently.. I know I sound like a REALLY BAD BROKEN RECORD.. but man.. Does it take going to Craigslist to try and find someone?!
I really HOPE NOT! Cuz that is Not cute at all...
But then again... Do i even want a relationship.. I mean.. I have been alone all these years.. Do I REALLY need someone there for me...
Maybe I need to Take my Own breath Away....
HAHAHA...
OH NO... THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE!!!! That sounds like i am going to kill myself... NEVER THAT! I LOVE LIFE TOO MUCH.
But I can't help but think there is a reason why i have been alone all these years, or why things never seem to even get passed stage 1 in any sort of possible potential boyfriend.
Ok I'm sick of always coming on here RANTING about Love.. I'm tired of writing it.. So i know y'all are tired of reading it. But i guess that was what the foundation of this blog was started on, so I guess this is my Quest for LOVE blog.. cuz i have other blogs, but this one always seems to come back to love.. whatever i talk about, LOVE always gets thrown in there...
I'll Meet him one day.. or maybe i already met him.. DANGIT IF THATS THE CASE IMMA BE PISSED!!!! "HE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO" (Said as ricky ricardo would say it!) hahaha.. or Maybe he has waited longer for me... I don't know.....
I just need something to go right in my life... Have and serve a purpose. A positive purpose.... Because my job is starting to wear on me negatively... And thats all i have right now.. Is my job...
Ok.. I know this probably doesn't make any sense.. But it's how i am feeling...
Well Y'all have an Awesome Day and I will get at y'all Later.
Peace.
Monday, May 14, 2012
"So Maybe I'll Be here... Maybe I'll see you Around.... That's the way it goes.... Almost Doesn't Count." Brandy -Almost Doesn't Count
I have had that song on my mind all day...
This past weekend wasd a realyl busy but good one for me. Lets start with Thursday
5/10/12
This day was really good for me because I got to see a really good friend of mine graduate and get his MASTERS from college! I am soooo Proud of You Jamal!!!! He has worked soo hard to get where eh is at and i love and appreciate him for that!
It got me really thinking about where i wan tto go to get my Masters.. The sad part about it is that if i would have not stopped my education, I would have graduated this year also with a MASTERS! Man.. That would have been awesome! But i did need a break.. I needed to see what was out there in the world and not always be in a book studying for a test. So I dont really regret my decision..
But i do need to figure out where i am going to go for school... Ca or NY... Ca or NY...??? CA...or NY.....?!?!?!?!?! The decision needs to happen QUICK! I'm just waiting for something to Pop off for me in either place fo rme to know where i need and should go.
Friday.
5/11/12
UGH I did not feel like going to work this day.. Matter of fact.. I dont really feel like coming to work ever.. I guess that is the workforce for you.. I know there is something better out there fo rme.. i just have to find it.. ANYWAY..
I had a meeting for this company named amway after work and it was good. Learned a lot, and am hungry to learn more and really get into this business! Got my Side hustle On!!! EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLING!!!! hahahahaha
This was also the day of my friend Kensley's 22nd birthday celebreation.
He held it at this spot in La. i forgot what it was called.. But it was nice..
I had about 4 drinks in about 40 minutes so i was feeling it real quick! HAHAH... I did nto know any of his friends so i was basically there by myself.. it was alright though.. I am glad he had a good time! :-)
I came outside the bar and saw that i had a parking ticket on my car..so I will need to pay that real soon.. it's ok...
I decided to drive but did not get far and i called my friend to see if i could "crach" at his place.... He said yea so i went over there.. I had a good time over there as Well! ;-) He had to go to work at 730, and i was feeling normal by that time so I decided to go home. But i did not even sleep.
Saturday
5/12/12
As i was going home i noticed that my Maintenence Required light was on so I decided to go get that checked out.. Dropped my car off and went home..talked to my mom, and then the service people called and told me my car was ready!!! IT WAS THE FASTEST SERVICE EVER!!!!! So I picked up my car and then went home, took a shower and then headed to work out!
My friend who works out with me moved to El Monte recently so It was my first time going to his house.. His house is NICE!!!!!!!
After working out I had another meeting with Amyway but this time i took my friend Marsha with me! :-) She liked the presentation.. I did not think we would be there soo long though.. we were there for like 3 hours!!!!
We decided to go to Universal City walk after since she said she had not been there in a long time. We ate that this place named SAMBA! it's a Brazillian eatery. It is REALLY GOOD! They just keep bringing you food.. MORE MEAT AND MORE MEAT! Its an all you can eat MEAT BAR!!!! hahah.. we was DEEPTHROATING THAT MEAT!!! haha.. they had some bomb SAMBA dancers also as entertainment.. I went up there and danced with one! :-D. i had a good time.. Only thing is that it is expensive.. It was only two of us and we spent over $100. So it will be some place that I will go to only when i am BALLING! hahaha..
So i got home at around 2 o clock in the morning because after i dropped off Marsha i had to go and visit my Gym friend again because i needed to give him Something ;-) HAHAH (WHERE IS YOUR MIND?!) haha I had to give him some money. hahah..
Ohh.. BACKTRACK!!!!
After i finished working out I got lost because the entrance to go WEST on the ten Freeway is not in the same area as the exits. (does that make sense?)Anyway I ended up passing Ol' Boys Andrews house in El Monte... the funny thing is my gym friend (Tony) lives right around the corner from his (Andrews) mom's home.. Now i am not sure if his mom even lives there anymore, but it brought back all those memories and aside from all the bull, it brought back the laughs and just the companionship,and great talks, and the connection as friends, even though it was brief, that we had.... and i was like dang.. I was a little nervous when i realized I was about to pass his casa because i would think he would be there because it was the weekend of Mothers day.. so I would think he would be visiting his mom. As i passed i told myself.. Darrrick, dude... Dont even Trip over anything.. That was SOO long ago... Its about that time you 500% let it go! He is not your friend... Let it go Darrick.. Let Him Go.
His car (that I remember him having) was not there so It made things smoother... But man.. There are days where i just want to say Hello to him... I miss him.. Even after everything.. I miss the dude and the friendship we had.
Anyway Enough about him...
Sunday
05/13/12
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!
I woke up at around 1145 and my family had reservations in Orange at 1.. I still needed to get the presents for mothers day so I went to Sephora.. (Gosh I love that store) and got gifts for every female in the family.. Mother or not.. just to say I appreciate them in my life... Now doing this i was 2 HOURS LATE FOR BRUNCH! But my family did not seem to mind! HAHA.. I got them all perfumes that I think they would have liked... Hopefully they do! HAHAH..
But yea that was my weekend...
Pretty good with some unexpected twists and turns (literally) but I found the right paths....
I will save what happened this morning for the next post!
Alrighty then.. Gotta Go.. See y'all later..
I have had that song on my mind all day...
This past weekend wasd a realyl busy but good one for me. Lets start with Thursday
5/10/12
This day was really good for me because I got to see a really good friend of mine graduate and get his MASTERS from college! I am soooo Proud of You Jamal!!!! He has worked soo hard to get where eh is at and i love and appreciate him for that!
It got me really thinking about where i wan tto go to get my Masters.. The sad part about it is that if i would have not stopped my education, I would have graduated this year also with a MASTERS! Man.. That would have been awesome! But i did need a break.. I needed to see what was out there in the world and not always be in a book studying for a test. So I dont really regret my decision..
But i do need to figure out where i am going to go for school... Ca or NY... Ca or NY...??? CA...or NY.....?!?!?!?!?! The decision needs to happen QUICK! I'm just waiting for something to Pop off for me in either place fo rme to know where i need and should go.
Friday.
5/11/12
UGH I did not feel like going to work this day.. Matter of fact.. I dont really feel like coming to work ever.. I guess that is the workforce for you.. I know there is something better out there fo rme.. i just have to find it.. ANYWAY..
I had a meeting for this company named amway after work and it was good. Learned a lot, and am hungry to learn more and really get into this business! Got my Side hustle On!!! EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLING!!!! hahahahaha
This was also the day of my friend Kensley's 22nd birthday celebreation.
He held it at this spot in La. i forgot what it was called.. But it was nice..
I had about 4 drinks in about 40 minutes so i was feeling it real quick! HAHAH... I did nto know any of his friends so i was basically there by myself.. it was alright though.. I am glad he had a good time! :-)
I came outside the bar and saw that i had a parking ticket on my car..so I will need to pay that real soon.. it's ok...
I decided to drive but did not get far and i called my friend to see if i could "crach" at his place.... He said yea so i went over there.. I had a good time over there as Well! ;-) He had to go to work at 730, and i was feeling normal by that time so I decided to go home. But i did not even sleep.
Saturday
5/12/12
As i was going home i noticed that my Maintenence Required light was on so I decided to go get that checked out.. Dropped my car off and went home..talked to my mom, and then the service people called and told me my car was ready!!! IT WAS THE FASTEST SERVICE EVER!!!!! So I picked up my car and then went home, took a shower and then headed to work out!
My friend who works out with me moved to El Monte recently so It was my first time going to his house.. His house is NICE!!!!!!!
After working out I had another meeting with Amyway but this time i took my friend Marsha with me! :-) She liked the presentation.. I did not think we would be there soo long though.. we were there for like 3 hours!!!!
We decided to go to Universal City walk after since she said she had not been there in a long time. We ate that this place named SAMBA! it's a Brazillian eatery. It is REALLY GOOD! They just keep bringing you food.. MORE MEAT AND MORE MEAT! Its an all you can eat MEAT BAR!!!! hahah.. we was DEEPTHROATING THAT MEAT!!! haha.. they had some bomb SAMBA dancers also as entertainment.. I went up there and danced with one! :-D. i had a good time.. Only thing is that it is expensive.. It was only two of us and we spent over $100. So it will be some place that I will go to only when i am BALLING! hahaha..
So i got home at around 2 o clock in the morning because after i dropped off Marsha i had to go and visit my Gym friend again because i needed to give him Something ;-) HAHAH (WHERE IS YOUR MIND?!) haha I had to give him some money. hahah..
Ohh.. BACKTRACK!!!!
After i finished working out I got lost because the entrance to go WEST on the ten Freeway is not in the same area as the exits. (does that make sense?)Anyway I ended up passing Ol' Boys Andrews house in El Monte... the funny thing is my gym friend (Tony) lives right around the corner from his (Andrews) mom's home.. Now i am not sure if his mom even lives there anymore, but it brought back all those memories and aside from all the bull, it brought back the laughs and just the companionship,and great talks, and the connection as friends, even though it was brief, that we had.... and i was like dang.. I was a little nervous when i realized I was about to pass his casa because i would think he would be there because it was the weekend of Mothers day.. so I would think he would be visiting his mom. As i passed i told myself.. Darrrick, dude... Dont even Trip over anything.. That was SOO long ago... Its about that time you 500% let it go! He is not your friend... Let it go Darrick.. Let Him Go.
His car (that I remember him having) was not there so It made things smoother... But man.. There are days where i just want to say Hello to him... I miss him.. Even after everything.. I miss the dude and the friendship we had.
Anyway Enough about him...
Sunday
05/13/12
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!
I woke up at around 1145 and my family had reservations in Orange at 1.. I still needed to get the presents for mothers day so I went to Sephora.. (Gosh I love that store) and got gifts for every female in the family.. Mother or not.. just to say I appreciate them in my life... Now doing this i was 2 HOURS LATE FOR BRUNCH! But my family did not seem to mind! HAHA.. I got them all perfumes that I think they would have liked... Hopefully they do! HAHAH..
But yea that was my weekend...
Pretty good with some unexpected twists and turns (literally) but I found the right paths....
I will save what happened this morning for the next post!
Alrighty then.. Gotta Go.. See y'all later..
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Craigslist
Was on Craigslist looking at personals last night...and I would be soo scared to answer oreven put one of those things up. The people who do.. GOT MAJOR BALLS, cuz I couldn't. They are bold also! Like WOW!!!!! I don't think Craigslist is for me. Haha
Monday, April 30, 2012
The Problem.
The fact that I still smile and get butterflies when I see or look at pictures of you disturbs me.
Its been almost 2 years since I've seen or last talked to you....
Out of Site, Out of Mind, right?
In sight, and on my mind.......
(Sigh) Dang Darrick. What am I gonna do about this?
Knowing that I can't, will not, and won't ever let myself have you again, but STILL smile and get butterflies in my stomach when I see you is a MAJOR issue for me....
you don't even want me, but I still get butterflies....
THAT right there, is the problem.
Dang... Why can't I Shake You!
Its been almost 2 years since I've seen or last talked to you....
Out of Site, Out of Mind, right?
In sight, and on my mind.......
(Sigh) Dang Darrick. What am I gonna do about this?
Knowing that I can't, will not, and won't ever let myself have you again, but STILL smile and get butterflies in my stomach when I see you is a MAJOR issue for me....
you don't even want me, but I still get butterflies....
THAT right there, is the problem.
Dang... Why can't I Shake You!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
PLEASE COME SOON
So this weekend soo far i have done a Lot.. I went to see my friend Jarell sing at the Key club in Hollywood. He did an AMAZING job!!!! I am soo proud of him... He had a live band and background singers and everything!!! I could not STOP smiling....
After the show I went to visit this guy I am talking to In East L.A.
Everything was cool and I had a nice time spending time with him...
We did have sex this time.. It was the first time we had sex together. And everything was cool.. But I guess Sex just is Not for me.. I topped him and I was bored and thinking more about other things... And when he topped me i was thinking about this meeting I had to go to at 10 am the next day... (SIGH)
It's not that he is not a good guy, because he is... I like his personality and everything.. He is sweet and caring and just an Overall AWESOME package...
But I have been really wrestling with just this LOVE thing for weeks now.. And if it's for me or if I EVEN REALLY WANT IT...
But right now i am CONVINCED that no matter who it is.. Sex is not for me.. I mean.. I just had sex and it was not the highlight of my day.. Not that it was not cool.. cuz it was.. but I wish I was into it more, that I could have that feeling of Euphoria and just pure Bliss.. But I can't..
I am not sure if it is a Mental block.. or if I just Don't enjoy sex...
I am starting to see that no matter who i have sex with.. it's the same when it comes to me...
I don't know what to do about it...
Is there a song out there that deals with how I feel... ?
If so I would REALLY love to hear it!
I'm Just not a sex guy.. shoot.. I don't think i am a relationship guy...
I don't know what type of guy I am... I'm almost 26 and still feeling like I am 13, meaning trying to figure out who I am. Who I am on the inside, why I feel these ways.
I don't know what to do.. every time I figure something out about myself i feel like I just took two steps backwards in Life...
(Sigh)
I don't know who or what I am looking for.. But... can it please.. Please Come Soon..
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I Can't...I Just Can't.
As I lay on my bed and stare into the ceiling i have nothing but time to think about whats been on my mind for the past 3 weeks...
Sex and Relationships
Now I know everyone and they momma thinks about sex all the time.. But i have not been in this mood in a very long time... The reason being... I want it soo bad.. but at the same time i know i will not enjoy it...I have thought a lot about why that is... Why is it that i can not just enjoy the act of sex....
I have never had an enjoyable sex experience.. Ever.
And it seems like the more i try... The worse it gets...
Now people tell me i am good at it.. But i just do not enjoy it..
I don't know if it is a mental block or what..
I am looking for something.. But i am not sure what it is...
I don't know if i am looking for a REAL relationship.. But i know i am TERRIFIED of relationships... I have never been in one and i do not know what to expect..
I'm scared of me.... I'm scared of how i will be in a relationship..
I'm scared of me being 30 and have never been in a relationship before..
Why do I have to wait soo long in order to feel the slightest sense of someone loving me back...
I'm scared of that love because i wont know what to do with it
I find myself wanting to throw up sometimes when i think of someone loving me...
Is that Natural?
or have I trained and embedded in my mind that No one will ever love me that the simple thought of someone actually loving me makes me mentally and physically sick?
When i think of love.. I can't eat.. I can't sleep... The only thing i do is clam up... and shut down...
I cant even remotely imagine someone being my boyfriend.
I try to picture him in my room....
Sitting on my bed...
Maybe going to the movies...
Holding hands...
and the thought quickly fades away and pisses me off...
I think that is another reason I cant see myself with a boyfriend.. Because my emotions when it comes to love is ALL OVER THE PLACE...
Just as Jumbled as this blog post is, my emotions and thoughts on love are the same way...
I believe BECAUSE of this confusion and hurt and disappointment that I have for love makes me not enjoy ANY aspect of Sex.
I can't shake the thought of feeling used every time i have sex with someone.. Used for them to get a Quick nut off and then that's it...
Ugh... Even porn is not doing it for me anymore...
I'm stuck.. and i don't know how to set my mind free.
I can't... I just can't... keep living like this....
Sunday, April 22, 2012
FAN OF HEAD!!!!!!
I'm Not really an avid fan of Head... I have come to realize that....
I keep giving it one more try.. over and over again.. But it is never something that is mind blowing and just AMAZING as people say it is..
Now I know everyone is different.. But for me.. It's just not all of that!!!
I honestly enjoy the kissing and the cuddling more then anything else when it comes to intimacy...
But the connection needs to be there first...
The gentle touches.. and sweet kisses, a soft gentle lick. Things like that are what do it for me...
I could pass on the Penetration, The Sucking, and the Rimming!!!!!
I dont know why.. but those never are highlights of sex for me..
Now don't get me wrong.. some days i do wanna GET IT IN....
But that is just mainly to feel something in there...
But it is never because it feels AMAZING...
I want it to be that way.. that is why i believe i try it over and over again...
But it never is that AWESOME!
So... I'm not a fan of Head...
Nothing i can do about it..
This is just some Random thoughts in my head.. hahaha
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Looks like......
Looks like I won't be getting no Dick tonight!! Hahahaha. It's ok though. Next time.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
RESURRECTION SUNDAY! :-)
HAPPY RESURRECTION DAY/Easter!!!!!
I hope everyone has a Great One! :-)
So i don't like my new job.. I am looking for another one to replace this one.
Hopefully things turn out fine.
I hope everyone has a Great One! :-)
So i don't like my new job.. I am looking for another one to replace this one.
Hopefully things turn out fine.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The Silent Killer
I thought i was in the mood to write a blog..and i was.. Until i got home and laid in my bed.. Now i am just Feeling Lazy... But i did get a new job...I started on Monday... But i don't think i like it... it pays more.. but there is no Human Interaction at all.. there is only 7 of us who work there..and throughout the whole day YOU CAN HEAR A PIN DROP.. it's that quiet.. I can't take it.. I am not an Introvert.. or someone who likes to be by themselves.. Anyway.. That's all i want to say... Till Next Time... Oh.. and HAPPY APRIL!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Marching into My Destiny.
So.. Its been a long time since i have been on here.. I tell you.. I always say I am going to write in this more... but life always gets busy... or I just get Lazy! HAHA always one of those two..
But let me catch yall up on what has been going on with me.... Just working and Going to the Gym.
I am trying to figure out how I am going to et to my goals in life.. But i guess that i everyones journey right..
But the thing about me is I still don't know what those goals i want to accomplish are.. That's the sad part.. I am spending soo much time trying to figure that out that I am wasting my life away...
Another thing that had me a down was Whitney Houston's Passing.. I was a HUGE FAN.... HUGE!!!!!! When i heard of the news on Feb 11th, 2012 I literally went home and just sat in my living room.. I was soo Sad!!!! Soo Mad.. Just sooo many emotions!!!!
Still Every time I listen to her music i get really Emotional.
So Anyway.. I have been trying this dating thing.. It's not really working out.. I have been talking to two guys.. One is Named Demetrius, and the others name is Andrew..
Demetrius is Black..26... he is good looking... He is caring and nice and everything.. But he is not for me.. I am not connecting with him.. . I see him more of a friend... he is not out to his family, and i understand that.. but he is mentally trapped.. Not being himself.. i just want to be friends with him.
Andrew is Latino.. 35.. Has his own business and everything.. But he has ISSUES.. REAL BIG ISSUES! He is trying to control EVERYTHING.. he gets mad if things are not his way and he is VERY opinionated and its hard to have a regular convo with him.. He just sits on the phone.. not talking or anything and then gets mad if i keep saying "Hello.. are you there?"! I feel like i am talking to a wall! I try and try and try.. but its not going anywhere.. I keep getting my hopes up with him and I keep getting let down! I'm not even going into all the other stuff he tries to mentally put me through.. I am not going to deal with it. So I am just going to leave it alone.
I realized the Name ANDREW is not a good fit with me! HAHAHAHA! I kid you not.. I was at the barber shop a few weeks ago and this cutie was sitting in one of the barbers chairs across from me, and everything was good and all, until i found out cuties name was Andrew, and i immediately said "Nope.. not interested anymore" and that sucks.. But Andrew's in my life have never done me right.. So i just learn from it and keep on living. Sucks that a name can do that to you.. but hey.. its happens! HAHAHA
This Job now is becoming something i am not sure i want to do for a long time now. The people there are cool.. But they are pulling me in soo many directions that they are wearing me thin and i am EXHAUSTED and tense after every shift! The workers comp business is not for me!!! It really isn't.. But i am glad i do have a job.. But i am about to start looking for another one.. I KNOW this is not my final working place.. I refuse to let it be!
I need to find my destiny.. I really do.. I think right now i just want to go to the woods or mountains or something like that and just watch the fire flies, and run and try to catch one and just see the beauty in nature... That's what I need. That sounds like soo much fun and i know it would be soo refreshing...
It's March.. I think its time for me to MARCH into my DESTINY.
But let me catch yall up on what has been going on with me.... Just working and Going to the Gym.
I am trying to figure out how I am going to et to my goals in life.. But i guess that i everyones journey right..
But the thing about me is I still don't know what those goals i want to accomplish are.. That's the sad part.. I am spending soo much time trying to figure that out that I am wasting my life away...
Another thing that had me a down was Whitney Houston's Passing.. I was a HUGE FAN.... HUGE!!!!!! When i heard of the news on Feb 11th, 2012 I literally went home and just sat in my living room.. I was soo Sad!!!! Soo Mad.. Just sooo many emotions!!!!
Still Every time I listen to her music i get really Emotional.
So Anyway.. I have been trying this dating thing.. It's not really working out.. I have been talking to two guys.. One is Named Demetrius, and the others name is Andrew..
Demetrius is Black..26... he is good looking... He is caring and nice and everything.. But he is not for me.. I am not connecting with him.. . I see him more of a friend... he is not out to his family, and i understand that.. but he is mentally trapped.. Not being himself.. i just want to be friends with him.
Andrew is Latino.. 35.. Has his own business and everything.. But he has ISSUES.. REAL BIG ISSUES! He is trying to control EVERYTHING.. he gets mad if things are not his way and he is VERY opinionated and its hard to have a regular convo with him.. He just sits on the phone.. not talking or anything and then gets mad if i keep saying "Hello.. are you there?"! I feel like i am talking to a wall! I try and try and try.. but its not going anywhere.. I keep getting my hopes up with him and I keep getting let down! I'm not even going into all the other stuff he tries to mentally put me through.. I am not going to deal with it. So I am just going to leave it alone.
I realized the Name ANDREW is not a good fit with me! HAHAHAHA! I kid you not.. I was at the barber shop a few weeks ago and this cutie was sitting in one of the barbers chairs across from me, and everything was good and all, until i found out cuties name was Andrew, and i immediately said "Nope.. not interested anymore" and that sucks.. But Andrew's in my life have never done me right.. So i just learn from it and keep on living. Sucks that a name can do that to you.. but hey.. its happens! HAHAHA
This Job now is becoming something i am not sure i want to do for a long time now. The people there are cool.. But they are pulling me in soo many directions that they are wearing me thin and i am EXHAUSTED and tense after every shift! The workers comp business is not for me!!! It really isn't.. But i am glad i do have a job.. But i am about to start looking for another one.. I KNOW this is not my final working place.. I refuse to let it be!
I need to find my destiny.. I really do.. I think right now i just want to go to the woods or mountains or something like that and just watch the fire flies, and run and try to catch one and just see the beauty in nature... That's what I need. That sounds like soo much fun and i know it would be soo refreshing...
It's March.. I think its time for me to MARCH into my DESTINY.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
January Come and Gone and the Name I REALLY REALLY Dislike!
January is Over already.. Dang...
It came soo fast and went soo fast also!!! hahahahaha...
but This month I was talking with this dude.. whose name is Andrew....
It started off good.. but then he got mad crazy.. I can't deal with his mood swings and his constant comparing me to his ex boyfriend.. his emotional outburst and all the excuses he gives for EVERYTHING... I am glad i did not make a deep conneciton with him.. i hardly made anything with him..
But what i have come to realize is...... The name ANDREW is Horrible for me.... people with the name Andrew and I do not Get Along.. I have ran into soo many people named Andrew and it always ends up CRAZY! and not in a good way..... i'm threw... I know i should never hate a name.. but that name right there has always been bad for me...... So unfortunately anyone with that name already has a disadvantage. Sorry.. But that is the truth.
It came soo fast and went soo fast also!!! hahahahaha...
but This month I was talking with this dude.. whose name is Andrew....
It started off good.. but then he got mad crazy.. I can't deal with his mood swings and his constant comparing me to his ex boyfriend.. his emotional outburst and all the excuses he gives for EVERYTHING... I am glad i did not make a deep conneciton with him.. i hardly made anything with him..
But what i have come to realize is...... The name ANDREW is Horrible for me.... people with the name Andrew and I do not Get Along.. I have ran into soo many people named Andrew and it always ends up CRAZY! and not in a good way..... i'm threw... I know i should never hate a name.. but that name right there has always been bad for me...... So unfortunately anyone with that name already has a disadvantage. Sorry.. But that is the truth.
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