An Addiction.

So... i have found myself once again using craigslist to try to get off and meet some people...

Not a good look... Where and WHEN did i fall into this sort of desperation...

I'm soo upset at myself every time i go on there and look at personals..

Because all it does is leave me depressed and upset at myself.

Making me feel even more unwanted and just overall sad and bad for myself.

Now please forgive me for what i am about to say if this applies to you,

But now i know how it feels when someone who is overweight cries everytime they over eat

and they feel horrible and bad even while doing it..

But they keep on doing it.

I feel the same way..

I feel soo bad when i am on it but i cant seem to stay away from it...

I have never posted a ad on there.. but i have responded...

and 98% of them do not respond. or if they do.. they are not interested in me.

I find myself on CL hitting the refresh button every 2 minutes or even less just looking for someone to be into me.. touch me, get off with me.. SOMETHING.. but i end up nowhere.. and feeling horrible...

I have sank soo low that i am now trying to whore myself out to anyone that will take me..

Am i that lonely where i have to resort to that...

I guess so..

I just want to feel loved.. a wanting touch.. and kiss.. a hug.. ...

Something..

Anything..

But I gotta stop...

It's My Addiction..

an Addiction that will do nothing more then Destroy me...

I sound like a broken record i know.

But i just want someone to hold me and really want to.

i'm trying to focus on myself lately but the more i try to focus on me.. the stronger that hunger for love gets..

Which makes me just want to whore myself out there and really not give a foof..

But i cant even do that.. cuz NO ONE wants me...

Nothing i can do.

I know i'm a good catch.. but no one sees that...

Enough of this pity party..


I'm sorry..