It's Been Awhile since I wrote in this thing. I figured it was about that time for an update. Well... I am officially Moved out of my momma's house.. It's been about a Month and so far soo good.. I mean... its a BIG ADJUSTMENT. I'm not used to it... and Frankly... I am a little scared...excited, and just plain ol' confused on how this thing is going to work. Being an adult is... very interesting. The hardest thing i believe as of right now is just feeding myself. I have not yet Cooked in my oven.. I BARELY cook on my stove.. I think I am scared.. I don't know why.. but I am. I somedays just go to bed hungry because I don't know what to eat. I know its all bad.. But something is really stopping me.. and I do not know what that is.
The space is nice.. big for just only me, but I need more closet space... I know I know.. you're probably thinking.. How can a guy have soo many clothes?!?!?! I have clothes for almost every occassion. Working out (old clothes), going Out to partuy (new clothes) and just clothes to lounfe around in (comfy clothes). And they all start to add up.. I have a pretty big closet, but i need more space.
The Neighbors and everything is nice. I am still getting adjusted to the people upstairs walking around and stomping on the ground liek they are some ELEPHANTS! hahaha. but I will get used to that soon.
Washing clothes will also take some getting used to because i am not used to spending money to wash. I don teven know where i can go to get $30 in quartes to Wash?!!?!? Gosh.. I don't think i was prepared for all of this...
And then the BILLS! Every week, there are things that I need to pay for, and I constantly wonder HOW people pay all these bills and still have money to do ANYTHING fun with. I mean all i have right now is my Carnote, my Cell phone bill, Gas and Electricity, My Car Speakers (Paid off NEXT MONTH, THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!) and my Charter Internet Bill... It comes down to being a lot of money being spent every month... Ohh not to forget my RENT BILL!!!! That alone will make someone cry.. but my mother wanted me out quick.. and this was the nicest area that was reasonable that I could afford. So I just took a leap of Faith and Jumped.
Now just to do that with the rest of my life...
Once again i feel stuck..
This voice gets Louder and Stronger everyday... Telling me to just QUIT my job and just turn my life upside Down. Make a change.. start doing what you want to do with your life and time... but fear of what will happen if things DON'T Go as planned kick in... I guess that's why they call it a leap of FAITH right.... gosh...
I would lik to go to this Spanish Immersion Program in PANAMA... I would like to be there for at least 3 months... But it would cost be at minimum 7,000 dollars :-/... plus I would have to be gone for three months.. What am I gonna do about my rent at home... and my Job! A sponser.. or grant, or SOMETHING would be AMAZING! I dream about speaking spanish... I love the language and the culture and the people... That would be a step in something that I would LOVE to do.. Nothing that NO ONE else whispered in my ear to do... but something I 100% thought of and want to accomplish.
I feel like I am living for other people and that is not a life anyone should live.. I want to do things because I want to do them... Not because people are telling me to.. I feel like everything in my life is because of something or someone else. Me Moving ahead of my scheduled move out date.. <--Mother wanted me out sooner. Me Having a Africana Studies Degree <--- Gov would not pay my school fees anymore if I did nto make it my Major study because I was taking too many Africana studies courses. Me Working in Workers' Comp <---Could not find a job and my Aunt pulled some strings and got me here... Now I am grateful for that... but I need this as a stepping stone to better things that I want to do, and not the end of the career path where I stay forever.
Me Not being on a Dance Team or dancing as much <---MY JOB Takes too much time and drains me by the end of the day...
My Life.. Work, Dance, Home, School all dictated by someone else.
It's time for me to take the strings of my life and pull them in the ways I want to go... Yes its Scary.. Yes its takes a lot of hard work... but I KNOW the rewards will be GREAT AND MASSIVE!!! and if they are not.. at least I WILL BE SATISFIED with how things turned out.. and not always regretting what COULD HAVE been.
cuz right now... Thats all I can think about...is What could have happened. :-(
Make the Change Darrick.. Make That Change.
