The Silent Killer

I thought i was in the mood to write a blog..and i was.. Until i got home and laid in my bed.. Now i am just Feeling Lazy... But i did get a new job...I started on Monday... But i don't think i like it... it pays more.. but there is no Human Interaction at all.. there is only 7 of us who work there..and throughout the whole day YOU CAN HEAR A PIN DROP.. it's that quiet.. I can't take it.. I am not an Introvert.. or someone who likes to be by themselves.. Anyway.. That's all i want to say... Till Next Time... Oh.. and HAPPY APRIL!

Marching into My Destiny.

So.. Its been a long time since i have been on here.. I tell you.. I always say I am going to write in this more... but life always gets busy... or I just get Lazy! HAHA always one of those two..
But let me catch yall up on what has been going on with me.... Just working and Going to the Gym.

I am trying to figure out how I am going to et to my goals in life.. But i guess that i everyones journey right..
But the thing about me is I still don't know what those goals i want to accomplish are.. That's the sad part.. I am spending soo much time trying to figure that out that I am wasting my life away...

Another thing that had me a down was Whitney Houston's Passing.. I was a HUGE FAN.... HUGE!!!!!! When i heard of the news on Feb 11th, 2012 I literally went home and just sat in my living room.. I was soo Sad!!!! Soo Mad.. Just sooo many emotions!!!!
Still Every time I listen to her music i get really Emotional.

So Anyway.. I have been trying this dating thing.. It's not really working out.. I have been talking to two guys.. One is Named Demetrius, and the others name is Andrew..
Demetrius is Black..26... he is good looking... He is caring and nice and everything.. But he is not for me.. I am not connecting with him.. . I see him more of a friend... he is not out to his family, and i understand that.. but he is mentally trapped.. Not being himself.. i just want to be friends with him.

Andrew is Latino.. 35.. Has his own business and everything.. But he has ISSUES.. REAL BIG ISSUES! He is trying to control EVERYTHING.. he gets mad if things are not his way and he is VERY opinionated and its hard to have a regular convo with him.. He just sits on the phone.. not talking or anything and then gets mad if i keep saying "Hello.. are you there?"! I feel like i am talking to a wall! I try and try and try.. but its not going anywhere.. I keep getting my hopes up with him and I keep getting let down! I'm not even going into all the other stuff he tries to mentally put me through.. I am not going to deal with it. So I am just going to leave it alone.

I realized the Name ANDREW is not a good fit with me! HAHAHAHA! I kid you not.. I was at the barber shop a few weeks ago and this cutie was sitting in one of the barbers chairs across from me, and everything was good and all, until i found out cuties name was Andrew, and i immediately said "Nope.. not interested anymore" and that sucks.. But Andrew's in my life have never done me right.. So i just learn from it and keep on living. Sucks that a name can do that to you.. but hey.. its happens! HAHAHA

This Job now is becoming something i am not sure i want to do for a long time now. The people there are cool.. But they are pulling me in soo many directions that they are wearing me thin and i am EXHAUSTED and tense after every shift! The workers comp business is not for me!!! It really isn't.. But i am glad i do have a job.. But i am about to start looking for another one.. I KNOW this is not my final working place.. I refuse to let it be!

I need to find my destiny.. I really do.. I think right now i just want to go to the woods or mountains or something like that and just watch the fire flies, and run and try to catch one and just see the beauty in nature... That's what I need. That sounds like soo much fun and i know it would be soo refreshing...

It's March.. I think its time for me to MARCH into my DESTINY.

January Come and Gone and the Name I REALLY REALLY Dislike!

January is Over already.. Dang...
It came soo fast and went soo fast also!!! hahahahaha...
but This month I was talking with this dude.. whose name is Andrew....
It started off good.. but then he got mad crazy.. I can't deal with his mood swings and his constant comparing me to his ex boyfriend.. his emotional outburst and all the excuses he gives for EVERYTHING... I am glad i did not make a deep conneciton with him.. i hardly made anything with him..
But what i have come to realize is...... The name ANDREW is Horrible for me.... people with the name Andrew and I do not Get Along.. I have ran into soo many people named Andrew and it always ends up CRAZY! and not in a good way..... i'm threw... I know i should never hate a name.. but that name right there has always been bad for me...... So unfortunately anyone with that name already has a disadvantage. Sorry.. But that is the truth.

The Wedding, and Memory Lane.

I went to Krista and Anthony's Wedding today! I had a BLAST!! I was dancing and not caring what people thought or said about me. i was laughing and just being Myself... and I LOVED it.. I stayed till they turned the music OFF!!!! hahaha.. I was one of the last people there.... Good Times.. Good Times...

Came Home and went on FB... on my timeline i posted about me getting my car in 2009 and it took me to some 2009 posts... And i happen to come across a few posts from a guy i used to know named Andrew. Now.... Andrew is a guy i used to be really cool with, but we just ended up being on two separate paths in our lives... Learned a lot from him though... ANYWAY...i decided to check his fb out and see how he is doing. I was looking at his pics and i came to the realization that....its been almost 2 years since i talked to him.. He is basically a completely different person.. A stranger... someone i would not know the first thing about.. Same goes for me.. I have changed in these last two years... But i had not thought about how long it had been since i talked to him... Dang time Flies.. I mean we about to be in 2012 in a couple of hours!!!! It did make me miss him and I laughing about stupid stuff i will admit. But people grow apart.. That has been the theme for me this year... People Grow apart... I have lost more friends in 2011 and 2010 then i have gained. I am starting to be ok with being alone.. The older i get, the smaller group of people i associate myself with. I've changed. And not talking to someone for almost 2 years will have them change also.....
Time stands still for no one.. either you learn and grow from time.. or you stay stagnant and become dull.. I know i'm growing... cant say the same for Andrew cuz i dont know him anymore... made me miss his friendship a little, but its all good.. It was nice going down a brief memory lane...

Language Barriers.

I stepped out of my comfort zone today..
They say the key to getting NEW results in ANYTHING is to step out of your comfort zone and do something NEW!

So...
I tried it today.

I Tried to hit on this dude while i was at work today.. but he did not know a lick of english..
Dang these Language barriers..

He was soo cute...
So i decided to try my luck..

He seemed like he was soo bored
So i Offered him my iPod so he could listen to music while he waited for his friend to come out of a deposition

That is when i noticed he did not speak english,
But he seemed intrigued by me.

I could have been imagining that but
I think i know when someone is interested or not.

Or maybe i dont,
But i decided to go for him anyway!

Started talking to him as best as i could
If all else fails at least i would entertain him and me for about 2 hours.

The convo was good..
Even though we did not understand each other a lot..

We talked about Music. Clothes.
Where he was from. and many other things

He had a tongue ring
and was licking his lips a lot.. ;-)

He seemed like he wanted to learn more about me.
Like he was interested in the things i had to say.

The connection was there..
The connection was right.

Love has no language
It is universal and needs no verbal dialog.

But...

This Language Difference might have been too much for him.
It made it difficult to really connect.

We laughed...
and Had a good time..

I gave him my name and number
He gave me his facebook...

I knew he did not have a phone
Because if he did he would have pulled it out and been on it or playing with it while he was waiting for his friend for 4 hours!

I came home
Relaxed....

I looked for him for 30 minutes on fb
but could not find him...

Maybe he will look for me
Or maybe even try to call me...

I doubt it.
But it would be nice if he did...

Either Way
I take away from this TWO things...

1). I had a good time learning about someone else.
2). It's about that time i go and Learn Spanish Fluently, so that i NEVER have this problem again.

So when someone asks me "¿Hablas español?"
I can look at them with confidence and say.. "Si"

And we can start this thing without any...
Language Barriers.

Sex Dreams Again... REALLY?!

So... It is the Day AFTER Christmas!!! I have the day off! That's cool.. I get to rest!!!! :-)

But man!!! I have been having sex dreams like NO ONES BUSINESS!!!!!! I believe i had 2 IN ONE NIGHT!!! It was either one going into christmas day.. and one the night after Christmas.. or both in the same night...

Either Way...

When i say they felt REAL....

I could Literally Taste the salt in his cum coming out his dick.. (Now i know that was graphic.. but that is how real it was!!)
HHAHAHAHAHA

both of them had to do with friends from Breed that I thought I would NEVER EVER think about doing things with. And now being FULLY CONSCIOUS i still would not do anything with them..

But those dreams.. wow.. I think I need a cig! HAHAHA jp! HAHAH!

The first one just started out in the middle of us having sex... Out and in.. Round and Round, Kissing and hugging and just GETTING IT IN!!! it was not love.. trust.. if anything it was a ONE night stand... But that One night stand.. WOW.. :-O

The next one was a little more complicated.. it involved a guy i had had a sex dream about earlier in the year..(see earlier post about a sex dream with flying carpets and such!)

I was sitting in an auditorium with some fellow breed members just talking and laying on the floor and having a good relaxing day! When all of a sudden I see one of my friends sucking off another friend of mine... Then all of a sudden i am sucking his dick also (well after the one friend had finish and was not successful in making him cum) I was going to town on that thing also.. He was moaning and dong all of that.. and then someone starting TALKING TO HIM while i was sucking that thing like a lollipop... hahaha.. i did not care... I was enjoying myself! HAHAAHA ( <-----That sounds like a whorish mess!!!!) But then i i took a breath and when i had come back in for the kill, he had put it away!!! I was mad but hey.. what can i do?! haha. so I just got up.. And proceeded to go to the park and help the CHURCH that i attend OUT!

UMMM... CAN WE SAY... (SPEECHLESS) I Don't even know!!! HAHAHAHHA

anyway..I am glad I HAVE A Vivid IMAGINATION!!! But dang!!! Can these stop?! I love them.. But feel weird and DIRTY after I wake up!! HAHAH.. Like I need to take a Shower. They were Hot!! And I still get a mini smile on my face thinking about them.. But..I have to GET IT IN soon!!!!!! It's been too long, and these dreams I can tell are only getting more intense and More real by the second.. Whew..... Where My Dildo at?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH.. Jp.. I don't have one of those!

MERRY DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!!!!

Tired of it.

And the Dearest Love In All The world.. Is waiting Somewhere for me.... Is waiting somewhere..... Somewhere for me.... (Cinderella) Sigh.

Ok... So i am soo over this whole wishy washy, back and forth, emotional roller coaster i have been on in the past 8 months..
It's wearing me down!!!! sometimes I wanna say FOOF LOVE (I don't curse, but you get what i am saying) because i am trying to convince myself that i do not need or want it. Then sometimes i am like AHHH LOVE SEEMS AMAZING!!!!

I'm tired of it..

I can't keep going like this.. My tank is almost on empty...

I gotta fill myself up with LOVE... and have THAT keep me fueled and going...

SELF LOVE!!!!! love of myself.....

Its GOTTA COME...

It just has to..

Dang.. when did i become sooo dependent and wanting of love....?

Love is on my mind soo much Nowadays...

I gotta find another subject to think about... HAHAHA

Love=Confusion=Me...

Me - Love = Lonely? or Strong?

I dont know.. That's the Equation i have been struggling with for a while now.