Thoughts of the year...
Ok.. So in January I tried out for Breed.. Jan 4th to be exact... I was soo nervous but Excited at the same time.. I honestly did not think i was going to make it .. but someone saw potential in me and Made a SPOT ON THE TEAM FOR ME!!! yay!!! I was ECSTATIC!!! Y'all have NO idea how Happy I was... Performed with them for the first time on Jan 25th and then had my Horrible Accident! Hydroplaned my car and Flipped it over twice. Landed on the hood and i had to crawl out in the mud and all i could do was THANK GOD i was ok... All i had was a scratch from the seatbelt. (WOW.. IM SPEECHLESS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW)... Needless to say the car was Totaled, and i had 9 more payments to pay it off.. man... but February comes along and I get my new Car.. A 2009 TOYOTA Corolla Sport!!!! YAY!!! I love it..It's Gray and it the business!!!!!!! Got it on Feb 13th to be exact. Love it.. (why did I JUST put the plates on a week ago! haha) Then my mother goes out the next day and gets a new Toyota Camry!!!! wow!! Thank God!
I was traveling all around with Breed during the spring months.. Like to Chicago (First time going there By myself with NO family.. Exciting but nervous at the same time!) and Las Vegas.. I had a great Time there with Breed!
School was going great.. I ended school in May with a 3.75! (WHAT WHAT!!! THE HIGHEST OF MY COLLEGE LIFE!) I would have got a 4.0 but i got a B in DANCING... IN DANCING!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! haha...
The summer rolls around and I am content with life. I am practicing with breed and we are doing big things.. Then We go to The bay...
And that's when 2009 started to turn for the worst.
I went from being a Happy Optimistic Darrick to a Depressed, Solemn, Gloomy, Quiet Darrick.
I learned about cliques and the ranks people put themselves in without the consideration of others. I shut myself off from Family and Breed. Meaning i was not as open as i should have been. It sucked feeling alone and depressed with no one to turn to. My back and neck started to pain me more and more. The pain was sometimes Unbearable but i pressed through dancing anyway. Throbbing back and neck pain that would sometimes make me want to curl in a ball and cry.
August... My mother's birthday and still seeing people's true colors. I started my LAST YEAR OF SCHOOL! YAY!!! GET IT!!!!! 5TH YEAR SENIOR! HAHA! Met someone that would change my life.... Forever....
September...(SIGH) September... Gosh.. what can i NOT say about september...
Well.... I taught my FIRST BOOGIEZONE CLASS!!!! I liked it!! Loved it actually.. can't wait to get another class.. (thanks Elm) Went to the Breed retreat.... Had a lot of fun there.. even though it did not seem like it cuz i was still shut off from people.. Learning about myself and others. But i had a great time....Learned that weekend that shutting off is not good at all.. and only isolates you more... While i was there i started to talk to the individual that changed my life via text and phone calls.....
We had soo much in common.. it was like they were my other half!!!!!!! (wow.. never met someone who made me feel like that) They made my gloomy life have a ray of sunshine in it.. Corny.. but true :-)
My 23RD BIRTHDAY!!!!! YAY!!!!!
Was talking more and more to that individual...
October.... yea... October... Was still in my funk but this individual was bringing out the best of me.. I loved talking to them and seeing them would light up my day. I loved the E-mails we had.. haha.. October was a great month.. I wish i could have one night back to relive... but.. its ok... I then was back and forth in the hospital, for minor things... nothing major, but i did not mind cuz that special individual was emotionally there to hold my hand. :-) .. I was scared.. but i would never tell them that.. but i thank them for being there...
But that is also when things between me and that individual started to go downward....
November.. They told me "I like you.. but i Love them"....Yea... My heart broke into a million pieces to the point where i cried myself to sleep for the next few weeks after that...
...talking to someone in a relationship is all wrong.. dangit..
Had my Heart played with and toyed with... never again will that happen in a situation like that...
I learned.
Enter the depression.. seclusion, regret. and Hurt. My grades started to slip.. I did not care about myself.. I found myself thinking about them ALL THE TIME! wanting them.. wondering what they man had that i did not have.... started to have a deep hatred for their man..
But i caught myself and changed that anger to jealousy.. and from Jealousy back to hurt. and from hurt to being fine with it. I realized they are not mine... and that's ok.. there are other fish in the sea... so go after the other fish! haha
Talked to some people on Breed and they helped me out with my issues.. HAHA..
December... Performed my last set of the year with breed.. Basically all of Core is leaving Breed and it is a sad site to see.. dang.. But i know next year is going to be the bidness! :-)
I then was content and ok with seeing the one who changed my life with their boo. the pics, and the talks about them did not bother me as much. its amazing how one person can alter the path of your love life forever.. Cuz before i met them i was fine.. and then they came in and re-arranged my WHOLE thoughts.. but now i can not see myself without them in my life.. even just as friends (which is what we are now) I also got in my first relationship.. Yay!!!! thanks Boo.. see you later tonight...
I also realized how people Settle and stay with people for comfort and convenience... and I never want to be in that situation.. and if i ever get in that position to get out Quick.. cuz that's a waste of both parties time! (eww... WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?! HAHA) In December i realized how i give myself to people too much.. I am always there for everyone else, and no one is there for me....
So.. that will be changed in 2010.. No more always saying Yes..
Imma do and say what i need to say...
It's time for Darrick to be selfish...
I have many memories of 2009... This is the year that I have learned the most about myself in my life soo far....
I wonder what 2010 has in Store for me! I'm ready!!!! Hopefully I get my stuff together and other people i care about get they stuff together and realize the Real....
No more being Charmin for me...
I'm ready.. 2O1O And A new decade here is COME!!! YAY!!!!!!!
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