So often, I receive emails, FaceBook & MySpace notes, YouTube messages and even Twitter replies from individuals who exist in relationships where it seems that they want MORE for their Boyfriends & Husbands than they truly want for Themselves.
A relationship exists for each individual to forge the other forward, in being the BEST person they can possibly be. Growth and Maturation are essential elements of a Healthy Life, and NOTHING or NO ONE should exist in our lives to hinder or block those natural blessings.
When we fall in love, it sometimes gets to the point where we’ve become so involved and wrapped up in the other person that we slowly but surely begin to put ALL of their WANTS, NEEDS & DESIRES before our very own. It’s a practice that many GOOD mothers exude on a daily basis as it pertains to the sacrifices they make for their children. However, in the instance of our Romantic Unions, there should ALWAYS exist moments where decisions are made to create Strength, Character and Prowess for the positive upliftment of the Couple COLLECTIVELY as well as INDIVIDUALLY.
There’s the notion of COMPROMISE as there exists the notion of GIVING EVERYTHING and RECEIVING NOTHING in return.
A relationship is an investment that rests upon physical, emotional, mental and spiritual terms. There will be moments where one of the pair in a relationship has to carry 80% of the load, as the other struggles with their 20%. There will also be moments where one of the pair in a relationship has to carry 70% while the other bares their 30%. Meanwhile, as the end of each phase in a relationship comes to an end and another begins, both entities should be able to examine their relationship HONESTLY to state equal claim to an overall balance of 50%/50% shared.
Unfortunately, for MANY, especially of our generation, the 50%/50% balance does NOT exist. It’s NOT okay to financially support a man who does not provide any other means or contribution to the relationship. IF he is unemployed, but a starving artist who you truly believe in, or enrolled in school Part-Time, then he SHOULD be doing the grocery shopping, cleaning, weekend errands, meal preparations and other domestic duties alongside his artistic practices. Your man should play as much the role of your Friend and Support Corner as your BFF’s and LifeLongs. His position in your life does NOT have to be Bread Winner or Sexual Mandingo for as long as he caters and nurtures your spirit, values, determination and drive. IF you are going to make certain adjustments by the standards upon which you choose to be with a man, make SURE that you arent the ONLY one between you two who is making all of the sacrifices and special alliances.
It’s in a lot of our hearts to want to motivate and encourage our men to want more and to do more with their respective lives. However, once it gets to the point where your WANTS for him are interrupting the healthy flow of your NEEDS, its time to reevaluate the status of the relationship. MANY have lost their Jobs, Homes, Cars, Good Credit Scores, Friends, Family Members and overall Health TRYING to keep a man on his toes.
To HELP doesnt always mean to HOLD, especially for those of us who have fallen into that role of subconciously becoming our men’s MOTHERS and FATHERS. A Man must stand upon his own truth, conviction and promise. As a Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Husband or Wife it’s your job to assist him in obtaining life’s treaures for as LONG as he is doing the same in return…WITHOUT fussing, cursing and complaining along the way.
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