Lunch break rant and thoughts.

So i have soo much on my mind it is really ridiculous! I could literally start ANYWHERE! But as i take this lunch break i do nto have enough time to say EVERYTHING that i want to say. So i will start with what, to me, is the most important. hahaha.. I am skipping lunch and not buying anything BECAUSE i hate that I am spending soo much money on food and GAS! that is literally all i spend my money on... And I HATE that I eat out SOO much! But i cant go home and eat because i feel like the food that is there is not Mine. meaning i dont feel comfortable enough to just go in the fridge and pick something out and eat it, because i did nto physically go to the store and buy it! Sad it has come to that.. But again.. that just tells me that it is time to move!

Another thing is that i had THE MOST random DREAM i have had in a long time.. It makes me blush, but imma tell it anyway! HAHA.. So it was me and my friend Mike P chilling.. Just normally chilling, but this time we were on his bed and the bed was flying over different major cities. (Like the magic carpet from Aladdin!!! hahaha) then all of a sudden, just as to get comfortable, he pulls down his pants and his underwear.(OHH) Penis Exposed and All (UMMMM...). Then all of a sudden without ANY hesitation i roll over and start gobbling and slobbering on that thing! (AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!) The funny thing about it is that at first, Like for a MINI MILLISECONDM, he was shocked, then he just gave in and started enjoying it! I WAS GOING TO TOWN ON THAT THING FOR WHAT SEEMED ABOUT 45 MINUTES... I was giving it my all, but it did nto seem like he was hard at ALL.. i thought that thing was Flacid the whole time.. i think that is what made me keep going and going.. eh seemed to be enjoying it but the penis was sayign soemthing different, cuz it would not get Big and long.... then i stopped and was like.. ok.. i'm done... i guess you are nto enjoying it, and then he was like.. "OHH WHY YOU STOP.. KEEP GOING I'M ABOUT TO.. AHH.. AHH...(and he splattered all over the place!).... Cum....
HAHAHAHAHAHA.. I said "How in the world did you cum when you were not hard?!" and he said, "I was VERY hard" and i thought in my mind "Dang...then your thang is TINY!!!!!!!!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA".... Then I turned to Mario (Which i am STILL trying to Figure out WHY he was in this dream!!!) and i said "did he seem hard to you?' and he said "I don't know"

and that's when I woke up!!!!!

UMMMM....this whole dream is disturbing cuz that is like my brother.... I was like... WHAT THE FOOF... I have NEVER had a dream about him, and the Dream that he is turns out to be a dream with me sucking him OFF! what in the WORLD DOES THAT DREAM MEAN?! Maybe it means i just need to get Laid! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Random Dreams... HAHAHAHA

Anyway, I find myself, while at work, dazing out the windows of the attorneys offices and just getting lost in my thoughts. The thought that is crowding my mind as of lately is of me finding the "One for me". I have been listening to Whitney Houstons song "Someone For Me" for the past 3 days over and over and over again. Just trying to figure out what I am LACKING.. What I could do Better.. What i could use less of.. or more of.. just to have someone even acknowledge i am there... I find myself feeling soo Overlooked and i know these are not good thoughts to have.. I fidn myself lookign at the hills and just thinking about me and whoever i am with on those hills having a good time.. making memories.. and just enjoying each other....

Just one person to look my way would be nice.. One person to come up to me and tell me i am attractive...

Fidn myself getting mini Depressed everyday.. now don't get me wrong.. I pull myself out of it everyday... (Thank Goodness) but it still would be nice just to have one person acknowledge I exist.

Last thing i will talk about ON THIS entry is.... I seriously am Tryign not to let Jealousy show its UGLY head in me...this issue just has to do with feeling Appreciated for all the things i have done.. People who do WAY less then me get acknowledged for things they hardly did, but i go full out and above and beyond.. and i get.. nothing.. I am not looking for attention or anything ike that.. but man.. just give me what i deserve...Show me that everything i am doing is not for nothing... Cuz if it is.. I will just STOP doing anything and everything, in regards to this dance situation. just sucks when you are not even acknowledged in your passion.

Anyway.. it's time for me to go back to work..
Have an AWESOME DAE! :-) hahaha

Peace

Come Home.

As the Winter season becomes stronger and the more I work through it, meaning physically go to work, I find myself wanting more eagerly just to come to my own home, to my boo, and just curling up on the couch and watching a movie. Stress free.. Drama free, not thinking about anything.. Just coming home to a nice warm loving atmosphere... I miss that...

Even though i have never had my own home, or my own loved one... I still miss that loving atmosphere i use to have when i would come home from School.. The smell of Lasagna, fried chicken, Chilli, or even Stew (even though i do not like stew) reminded me of the love that was in that house. I miss that... I want that again.

I want to be able to try and figure out what me and whoever i am with will eat for the night. I wanna hear their opinions on the food suggestions I bring up, and I even look forward to the little arguments about what we will eat. (Secretly trying to win and persuade them to eat what I want for the night). I look forward to giving in to what they like.. just so that I can make them happy.. Cuz seeing them happy would make me happy....

I wanna hear about his day. I wanna hear about the Nicole's, the Susan's, the Ricky's and the Jim's that get on his nerves and what Iggnant Horrible things those people did that day to make my boo upset.

I want to be able to call him "Boo", "BOOBOO", "Baby", "Perfection", or any other name we decide to call each other....

I wanna look at him and see all his flaws, everything that makes him who he is... As Perfect....

I wanna look into his eyes, while he is chatting and we are eating at the table, and see the reason why i fell in love with him over and over and over again. (This will only be when i do fall in love with him)

I wanna Laugh at the T.V. with him...

Joke around with him...

Play Video Games with Him......

Just Unwind and relax with him....

At the end of the Night, I wanna Fall asleep with him in my arms....

Warm, Relaxed, and Loved.


That's what I wanna come home to.

Thoughts.. Nothing But These Random Thoughts!

So… The way I am feeling right now… I am tired…. But very grateful and Happy that I have this job. I mean.. It is giving me the financial freedom I need in order to do what I want. I like the people here. It’s getting a little easier (meaning knowing and remembering their names.) Just today I am soo tired because we, meaning breed, have rehearsals this whole week. And when we are done and I get home, it is time for me to get up (4:45 am). Some days it is harder then others. I find myself thinking it is soo late at night, and when I look at the clock, it is only 8:30 p.m. Having this job has made me adjust the way I think and plan. I really need to start planning even more. It is just soo hard to do everything I need to do on the only two days I have off during the week. I need to get back into that mode and mindset like I used to be when I had my other jobs. But…..It’s draining.. OHH.. so I work in Glendale and I live about an hour west WITHOUT traffic. But with traffic it turns into 2 and a half hours. So by the time I get and start work…I have already been up for almost 4 hours. Now don’t get me wrong. This job is giving me what I need, like I previously stated. I just have to readjust my priorities because this no sleep thing is starting to ware on me. I need to, at least, be getting 6 to 8 hours a night so I can stay how handsome I am! LOL.. I do not want bags under my eyes! That’s not cute!!!!! I do not want to look like a RACOON!!!!! HAHAHA! CHANGE OF HALF THE SUBJECT… haha…. Working in this office I have learned a lot of more legal things and sometimes it blows my mind what people file and consider injuries. But that’s besides the point I am trying to make. I did not know this was a law firm that represents the people that The majority of the world does not like.. THE CORPORATIONS…… DUH DUH DUH!!!!! (insert dramatic music here) It really makes me look at BOTH sides.. and especially hearing how some of the attorneys talk about the cases.. sometimes I can see why people do not like them.. But other times I know people are just trying to scam the system! That is basically what this whole office is about.. Trying to Figure out who is telling the Truth and Figure out who is Lying! The things I come across in this office can be quite Amusing. But nonetheless. It’s a good company.
Now what I really want is the permanent position!!!! I love being a temp... but I know I would love even more being PERMANENT!!!! Get benefits… and financial security knowing money will always be coming in when I work. AND THEN I CAN FINALLY MOVE OUT!!!!!!!
Speaking of that subject.. Oh my gosh…. I cant even begin to tell you how ready I am to move out.. the house that I live in right now is just That… a House.. I don’t feel nothing there.. no love… no nothing.. Its just a building with four walls that I take a shower in and get clothes from, and occasionally sleep. I only go there for a bout 3 hours a day and then I am back being busy and being in the streets.
Some things in that house I do not understand, but hey! I guess they are not made for me to understand. That’s why it is time for me to move! So I don’t have to fake the funk at home.. don’t have to try and understand why people do things the way they do in that household The way they think BOGGLES my mind!!!! No one telling me NOTHING. Me doing Me…. So I will already know and love the way I do things in my own Spot. No one telling me anything about how messy or clean things are… I will clean things when I get ready. Which will be often cuz I do not like a dirty house. But I know when I am living by myself I will keep things nice and neat.
I tell you man.. I try not to stir things up at that house but I know I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in. I will not let anyone just disrespect me. No matter if you are family or not. …ugh for that word, family, because I do not feel they are part of my family…
AHHHH I have soo much on my mind and I so not even know where to begin with the majority of it. Love, life, friendships, truthfulness, dance, videos coming out :-). More videos on the way… Hoping people like my stuff… Boogiezone show on Sat... Performing 4 times.. excited... .. HOW WE NEED TO GEFF IT!!!!! Cuz It’s the Biggest show of the year for Breed!!!!! But also my Self Confidence, Courage and Self Image and Worth are SOME of the things I would LOVE TO TALK ABOUT and just go on and on about.. But I just don’t know where to begin.. or what to say.. So… I will leave it at that.. I am sitting in this office writing this thing… Ohh.. I just looked at the clock and it is time for me to go!!!! Got rehearsal tonight... so... Just wanted to tell yall some thoughts floating in my head.. Have a great safe night yall... Peace... :-)

All I Need.

All I need right about now is some Good Dick and some sleep! How bout some good dick to put me to sleep....Then I will be good. :-) hahahaahahahaha!

Relationship Bug.

Sigh...

Got hit with the relationship bug again...

It's No fun being hit with that bug....

I want

Someone to Talk to...

Someone to Hold...

Just someone to be there...

When is it my turn?

I refuse to go back into a depression because i am not in a relationship.

"Just focus on me Darrick.. " Is what i tell myself...

And that is what i am trying to do....

But the busier i get..

The more i want to just be able to call that guy in my life and tell him about everything that is going on.

I have been on that B2K song "Gots Ta Be" for a while now.....

man this song... this song.. Has me feeling it...

But.... one thing i have learned from the 25 years of me being on this earth is that The more we try to force something.. the less satisfying it will be in the end...

25... and still have not had one person really care about me...

Sounds harsh, but hey.. the truth hurts sometimes.

Again i say, as i have said before on this blog, that maybe i am someone who will never find that special person.

People always tell me to not think that way, but there are tons of people who have died never finding that person.

And hey.. if that is my fate then so be it...

"Take It From Here" By Justin Timberlake Just came on my iTunes... this song is soo soothing and soo loving..

Man I wish someone felt like this about me...

Ok... Imma stop... i know this is not good to feel like this... Not good for any part of my being....

Imma just try to focus on my Job and my Dancing....

Fill All my time with them so that i have no choice but to not think about a relationship....

Relationships... What am I missing internally, What am I missing Physically, what must I learn, before i get into one.

Maybe I will never know...

Dang.. I hate when i get hit with the relationship bug.

Ok.. I am just rambling Now.. HAHA...

Peace.

Do You?

Song of the Night: "Do You" By: Ne-Yo <---- Fits for the night. Thinking... do you ever think of me?

New Job.. New Video... New Life!

I GOT A JOB Y'ALL.. this is my second week at the job and it is coo.. Just filing papers and everything.. I am at lunch right nopw so I am typing this on my lunch break.. Its Never enough time to do everything I want to do. HAHA.. But I am making money and that is all that matters! But man soo much has goen opn.. I went to Oakland, and all over the bay a week ago! I drove up there fo rthe first time.. Let's just say i don't need to do it again! HAHA! Everyone falling asleep in my car leaving me to stay up was nto cool.. ESPECIALLY since we left at 4 am... But i forgive them! HAHAHAHA! Just next time I won't be driving!!!! But I had mad fun out there dancing and celebrating my friend opening his own studio. I still have a logn way to go with dancing.. But i am very excited for the journey...

I am filming my very first Dance video this coming Friday!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! i AM NERVOUS AND AXIOUS AND JUST PLAN OL' EXCITED!!!! THIS, HOPEFULLY, WILL be the first of many more to come...

But with all of this going on and then getting a new job.. I am EXHAUSTED EVERYDAY cuz i dont get home till around one or two.. or sometimes three in the morning and i have to wake up at 4:45 am... so last week i think i got a total of 8 hours of sleep for the whole week!!! This week i am DANCING EVERYDAY and i have a performance on Saturday in San Diego.. and then Rehearsal on Sunday! Man this week is goign to be a tough one.. But.. I know i can do it!

But I just wanted to update yall (whoever reads this) on me..

OHHH.. tell me why my mom's Husbands OTHER child is living with us.. So there there are two children living with US!! it is a MESS!!!! I can't.. I just can't right now!!! HAHA...

Like I said in a previous entry.. IT'S TIME TO MOVE!

Peace!



10/10/11... Hmm... 2 years.. Nice...

Crazy How time Flies!!!!