Feeling alone Grasshoppa?! Really?

So today i woke up a little uneasy seeing that my friend decided to go offline all of a sudden and just not say bye or anything.. Now i know some of yall might think... What's wrong with that... Well.. its bad cuz then i start to think the worst.. like something happened to them or something... I need to work on that.. I think the worst.. when i need to be thinking positive.
I went to Breed practice today.. we cleaned the routine.. it was cool.. only a few people were there... but we got things done nonetheless...

I was talking to Grasshoppa today and they were telling me that they knew the feeling of being alone... and i do not think they really know the feeling of being ALONE in a relationship when they have been in one for years.. Unless they are talking about emotionally alone then i can see where they are coming from... But i do not think they know the feeling of being emotionally, and physically alone for your whole life.. Its a whole other experience... Its not fun..

I feel like i am a dry cracked up desert that gets only a cap full of water every one to two years... Maybe.......

And they have been a flowing stream with lots of fruit and grass and fish for YEARS!!!!

I think they were trying to relate.. which is GREATLY appreciated.. but lets be real... Im dry.. You Moist.. And appreciate that moistness...cuz many people do not get to experience it.

Being dry like this

You find yourself whoring yourself out there whenever you get the chance for the smallest amount of moisture..Moisture that is not suffiecient enought to make ANYTHIGN grow because you dont have enough of it.. Whatever you water will just become dry again...and probably even more dry after you gave it that little bit of Moisture

And that little bit is

Not good on your self esteem.. you think less of yourself....
You crave it....
You need it...
You want it...
But how can you miss something you never really had?
I dont know.. But i know I miss it....
Imma get back to y'all on that Question.. HAHA.

I always thought i was stronger then what i really am... That was made evident in my last situation..
I told myself "Do not do anything... No matter how much you want to.. do not do anything... but when it was in my face i caved in and melted on them like they were ice cream and I was their caramel!!!!!! Yummy! I do nto regret it at all.. it was nice.. but..

I told myself i wasn't going to do things with certain individuals.. and i find myself doing them... HAHAHA... Take that EXACTLY how it sounds!
And i get mad at myself....
Imma try this thing called Holding out...
I know i have said it before...
But i really have to do it now...
If i value myself and who i am...
And what I got.
I will hold out for me!!!
I want to build anticipation
And want...
It will happen one day
But Darrick Hold Out...
Hold Out
HOLD OUT!!!!!

Maybe if i keep telling myself that it will actually Happen!