Its real... and it's killer....
So not until just recently have i realized how much my cell phone is really like my lifeline to my friends... I notice that I sit and wait for someone to call or text me. If i do not get a call or a text in like a span on five hours i think something is wrong... Like my service is not working or whatnot...
Yesterday I was out with a friend and while i was waiting for them i was sitting in my car... bored.. sitting in the dark... listening to music just looking at my phone... Looking at how blank it was with no new messages or anything.... I kept clicking the side button with the hopes of me once pressing it and it saying "New text message from_________" But it didn't....
I called like 6 different people just to talk and to see what they were doing... But no one answered...
I left messeges.. But no one called me back...
I text plenty of people... And not one of them text me back... Everyone was busy with their own lives that they could not entertain a bro for a couple of minutes..
A simple "Hello, im busy now but what's up" or something like that would have sufficed... But i got nothing..
Left me feeling a little lonely...
I did have one person who text me about an hour after i was sitting in my car, but it was after what seemed like a cry of desperation when i said "I have not had a text or call in about 5 hours" that they text me and told me "I'm still with my manager".
That text let me know they were having fun, and kind of not to bother them until they get back at me.. But when would that be? and how long would i have to wait..
At that VERY second i realized... I get lonely a lot and usually no one comes to help... and I have anxiety about it!!!
ANXIETY! a mess right...
Why do i sit and let a simple text or phone call make me feel better? Why can i not make myself feel better? why am I depending or relying on someone else to send me a text or calling to see what I am doing.
Why does that simple gesture mean the world to me..
and why can't anyone understand that?
Its not them.. it's me.. I need to get away from electronics and just be me by myself...
I think i just do not like being alone.. or feeling like my efforts to reach out are all for not...
Why does being in contact with people make me happy...why can I not make myself happy?
i do the same thing with facebook.. always refreshing my page to see if someone left me a comment in the last 5 SECONDS...
i have a problem... I need to fix it...
Solution....
Get something to keep me busy for a long time so that I do not have time to care or think about my phone or the internet or reaching out to people...
I need to make myself Busier then what I am....
And not care.....
What does that sound Like.......
Sounds like a Job..
Now on the hunt...
Yea.. Let's Hope a Job cures this Disease of Anxiety.
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