Thoughts.. Nothing But These Random Thoughts!

So… The way I am feeling right now… I am tired…. But very grateful and Happy that I have this job. I mean.. It is giving me the financial freedom I need in order to do what I want. I like the people here. It’s getting a little easier (meaning knowing and remembering their names.) Just today I am soo tired because we, meaning breed, have rehearsals this whole week. And when we are done and I get home, it is time for me to get up (4:45 am). Some days it is harder then others. I find myself thinking it is soo late at night, and when I look at the clock, it is only 8:30 p.m. Having this job has made me adjust the way I think and plan. I really need to start planning even more. It is just soo hard to do everything I need to do on the only two days I have off during the week. I need to get back into that mode and mindset like I used to be when I had my other jobs. But…..It’s draining.. OHH.. so I work in Glendale and I live about an hour west WITHOUT traffic. But with traffic it turns into 2 and a half hours. So by the time I get and start work…I have already been up for almost 4 hours. Now don’t get me wrong. This job is giving me what I need, like I previously stated. I just have to readjust my priorities because this no sleep thing is starting to ware on me. I need to, at least, be getting 6 to 8 hours a night so I can stay how handsome I am! LOL.. I do not want bags under my eyes! That’s not cute!!!!! I do not want to look like a RACOON!!!!! HAHAHA! CHANGE OF HALF THE SUBJECT… haha…. Working in this office I have learned a lot of more legal things and sometimes it blows my mind what people file and consider injuries. But that’s besides the point I am trying to make. I did not know this was a law firm that represents the people that The majority of the world does not like.. THE CORPORATIONS…… DUH DUH DUH!!!!! (insert dramatic music here) It really makes me look at BOTH sides.. and especially hearing how some of the attorneys talk about the cases.. sometimes I can see why people do not like them.. But other times I know people are just trying to scam the system! That is basically what this whole office is about.. Trying to Figure out who is telling the Truth and Figure out who is Lying! The things I come across in this office can be quite Amusing. But nonetheless. It’s a good company.
Now what I really want is the permanent position!!!! I love being a temp... but I know I would love even more being PERMANENT!!!! Get benefits… and financial security knowing money will always be coming in when I work. AND THEN I CAN FINALLY MOVE OUT!!!!!!!
Speaking of that subject.. Oh my gosh…. I cant even begin to tell you how ready I am to move out.. the house that I live in right now is just That… a House.. I don’t feel nothing there.. no love… no nothing.. Its just a building with four walls that I take a shower in and get clothes from, and occasionally sleep. I only go there for a bout 3 hours a day and then I am back being busy and being in the streets.
Some things in that house I do not understand, but hey! I guess they are not made for me to understand. That’s why it is time for me to move! So I don’t have to fake the funk at home.. don’t have to try and understand why people do things the way they do in that household The way they think BOGGLES my mind!!!! No one telling me NOTHING. Me doing Me…. So I will already know and love the way I do things in my own Spot. No one telling me anything about how messy or clean things are… I will clean things when I get ready. Which will be often cuz I do not like a dirty house. But I know when I am living by myself I will keep things nice and neat.
I tell you man.. I try not to stir things up at that house but I know I need to stand up for myself and what I believe in. I will not let anyone just disrespect me. No matter if you are family or not. …ugh for that word, family, because I do not feel they are part of my family…
AHHHH I have soo much on my mind and I so not even know where to begin with the majority of it. Love, life, friendships, truthfulness, dance, videos coming out :-). More videos on the way… Hoping people like my stuff… Boogiezone show on Sat... Performing 4 times.. excited... .. HOW WE NEED TO GEFF IT!!!!! Cuz It’s the Biggest show of the year for Breed!!!!! But also my Self Confidence, Courage and Self Image and Worth are SOME of the things I would LOVE TO TALK ABOUT and just go on and on about.. But I just don’t know where to begin.. or what to say.. So… I will leave it at that.. I am sitting in this office writing this thing… Ohh.. I just looked at the clock and it is time for me to go!!!! Got rehearsal tonight... so... Just wanted to tell yall some thoughts floating in my head.. Have a great safe night yall... Peace... :-)

All I Need.

All I need right about now is some Good Dick and some sleep! How bout some good dick to put me to sleep....Then I will be good. :-) hahahaahahahaha!

Relationship Bug.

Sigh...

Got hit with the relationship bug again...

It's No fun being hit with that bug....

I want

Someone to Talk to...

Someone to Hold...

Just someone to be there...

When is it my turn?

I refuse to go back into a depression because i am not in a relationship.

"Just focus on me Darrick.. " Is what i tell myself...

And that is what i am trying to do....

But the busier i get..

The more i want to just be able to call that guy in my life and tell him about everything that is going on.

I have been on that B2K song "Gots Ta Be" for a while now.....

man this song... this song.. Has me feeling it...

But.... one thing i have learned from the 25 years of me being on this earth is that The more we try to force something.. the less satisfying it will be in the end...

25... and still have not had one person really care about me...

Sounds harsh, but hey.. the truth hurts sometimes.

Again i say, as i have said before on this blog, that maybe i am someone who will never find that special person.

People always tell me to not think that way, but there are tons of people who have died never finding that person.

And hey.. if that is my fate then so be it...

"Take It From Here" By Justin Timberlake Just came on my iTunes... this song is soo soothing and soo loving..

Man I wish someone felt like this about me...

Ok... Imma stop... i know this is not good to feel like this... Not good for any part of my being....

Imma just try to focus on my Job and my Dancing....

Fill All my time with them so that i have no choice but to not think about a relationship....

Relationships... What am I missing internally, What am I missing Physically, what must I learn, before i get into one.

Maybe I will never know...

Dang.. I hate when i get hit with the relationship bug.

Ok.. I am just rambling Now.. HAHA...

Peace.

Do You?

Song of the Night: "Do You" By: Ne-Yo <---- Fits for the night. Thinking... do you ever think of me?

New Job.. New Video... New Life!

I GOT A JOB Y'ALL.. this is my second week at the job and it is coo.. Just filing papers and everything.. I am at lunch right nopw so I am typing this on my lunch break.. Its Never enough time to do everything I want to do. HAHA.. But I am making money and that is all that matters! But man soo much has goen opn.. I went to Oakland, and all over the bay a week ago! I drove up there fo rthe first time.. Let's just say i don't need to do it again! HAHA! Everyone falling asleep in my car leaving me to stay up was nto cool.. ESPECIALLY since we left at 4 am... But i forgive them! HAHAHAHA! Just next time I won't be driving!!!! But I had mad fun out there dancing and celebrating my friend opening his own studio. I still have a logn way to go with dancing.. But i am very excited for the journey...

I am filming my very first Dance video this coming Friday!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! i AM NERVOUS AND AXIOUS AND JUST PLAN OL' EXCITED!!!! THIS, HOPEFULLY, WILL be the first of many more to come...

But with all of this going on and then getting a new job.. I am EXHAUSTED EVERYDAY cuz i dont get home till around one or two.. or sometimes three in the morning and i have to wake up at 4:45 am... so last week i think i got a total of 8 hours of sleep for the whole week!!! This week i am DANCING EVERYDAY and i have a performance on Saturday in San Diego.. and then Rehearsal on Sunday! Man this week is goign to be a tough one.. But.. I know i can do it!

But I just wanted to update yall (whoever reads this) on me..

OHHH.. tell me why my mom's Husbands OTHER child is living with us.. So there there are two children living with US!! it is a MESS!!!! I can't.. I just can't right now!!! HAHA...

Like I said in a previous entry.. IT'S TIME TO MOVE!

Peace!



10/10/11... Hmm... 2 years.. Nice...

Crazy How time Flies!!!!

September 2011 Rant

Yea.. It's About that Time!!!!

Cab Ride. Take Me There.

Taxi...take me to his home.
I wanna give him all of me cause I'm alone

The world is quiet
I wouldn't mind
Mere conversation
Can you be my ride?
What's your fare? (oh oh oh oh yeah)
Mister can you take me there.
Can you break a dub?
All I ask you is...

Taxi...take me to his home.
I wanna give him all of me cause I'm alone

Turn the radio down a bit...(smoking cigarettes...)
Would you be so kind to stop at a station?
I see the sign
Cause you need some air (oh oh oh oh yeah)
Mister can you take me there.
You can keep the dub
All I ask you is...

Taxi...take to his home.
I wanna give him all of me cause I'm alone

And I know he's watching the time... yeah
Told him I would make it
Just get me there safe (get me there safe)

Taxi...take to his home.
I wanna give him all of me cause I'm alone

Take me there.

Tweet-Cab Ride
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Read Between the Lines.... And you will see what I am trying to say!