Tired.

I'm Tired. one hour of sleep in 48 hours.

I'm tired.

But at least my hair looks good.

Random Thoughts.

Winning isn't always a victory; and losing isn't always a defeat.

I take this loss with a stride of victory.

I Can't Believe it.

I cant believe what I just did...

Did i honestly just tell you what I just told you....

That i tried to replace you......

And it was not working......

What?! Darrick.. Where did that Honesty come from

Some things i feel are better left unsaid...

Dang.. 2010... Year of honesty...

100% honesty.

Let's Go! ---------->

I Am Noticing.

I am noticing some things...

I am noticing How close i was to death Almost a year ago (Jan 25th, 2009)

I am noticing How a DECADE FLEW BY ME!!!!! (2000-2009)

I am noticing How much of an adult i am becoming....

I am noticing How i am not a child anymore. (0-20)

I am noticing How hard Life can be

I am noticing How I am torturing myself by trying to stay in contact with you.

I am noticing you not staying in contact with me.

I am noticing.....

I am noticing How it is a shame you have to TELL your boyfriend to read the stuff you write about him.

I am noticing how your boyfriend really, when it comes down to it, does not care about you....

I am noticing how your boyfriend was done with you about a year and a half ago......

I am noticing you NOT noticing that...

I am noticing That you are BLINDED by artificial love......

I am noticing i was blinded by a one sided love...

Yes... Love...

I am noticing......

I am noticing How ignorant some people can be

I am noticing How stuck people can be...

I am noticing How stuck i was over you...

I am noticing.....

I am noticing how Stupid i was to ever believe you.....

I am noticing your Not who i thought you were....

I am noticing How you could give a flying frick about me

I am noticing how i cared too much....

I am noticing...

I am noticing How much i am starting to dislike T.G.I. Friday's restaurant.

I am noticing how I might not ever get my Christmas Gift...

I am noticing that you are really not for me....

I am noticing how you are trying to get what you once had back with your boyfriend

I am noticing that not happening...

I am noticing your happiness is Fake....

Forced...and Tired...

I am noticing you are unhappy...

I am noticing you masking your unhappiness with happiness...

I am noticing how comfortable and convenient the relationship is for you...

I am noticing that is why you are staying...

I am noticing.....

I am noticing me waiting...

I am noticing me wanting to wait no longer.....

I am noticing.....

I am noticing..........

I am noticing...................

I am noticing me getting someone else.....

Smarter....

Wiser....

Better.....

Then you......

I am noticing....

Change.....

In....

Me...

I am noticing....

Me....

Not wanting you.

Not Needing you...

Anymore.

I am Noticing Me...

Without..

You.

Mask

I'm Laughing to Try to mask the Pain.

I'm still not over you.

2010 needs to be different.

I can't stand how you started this..

and bounced...

Shattering my heart into thousands of pieces.....

And now i am left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart....

Trying to mend them as best as i can....

While you have no form of a single crack in your heart.

Why do i like you soo much...

That's a question i will never know the real answer to.

This hits me like waves..

One day/week/month i am cool

But then the emotions will hit me like a wall..

And i'm back where i was three months ago...

Broken... and Hurt...

I'm Happy for you...

Trying to be...

But it sucks to see you seemingly happy with someone else.

It's ok... Love is a Losing Game.

I guess my losing streak Continues.

Turning this House into a Home

Please Watch the whole thing Before you read the rest.. its only five minutes and then the rest will make sense.. Listen to the lyrics and the way she is singing it.. I love her... Enjoy.. The lyrics are under the video.. and then i speak on it... ENJOY!!!!!!

Home.

When I think of home
I think of a place where there's
Love overflowing;
I wish I was home,
I wish I was back there,
With the things I've been knowing.
Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning,
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall
Have a meaning.
Sprinkling the scene, makes it all clean.
Maybe there's a chance
For me to go back.
Now that I have some direction;
And It sure would be nice to be back home,
Where there's love and affection.
And just maybe I can convince time
To slow up.
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up;
Time, please be my friend,and let me start again...
Suddenly my world is gonna change its face
But I know where I'm going;
I have had my mind spun around and around
In space
And yet I've watched it growing.
Oh, I know you're listening God,
So wont you please try not to make it hard
To know I shouldn't believe everything, everything
I see.
Tell me, should I try and stay
Or maybe I should run away.
Would it be better, better, better
Just to let things be?
Living here in this brand-new world
It Might be a fantasy; yes it could be
But it taught me to love,
So I know that it's real, it's real, it's real to me...
And I've learned that we must look
Inside our hearts to find...
Yeah we gotta find......
A world full of love
Like yours, like mine-
Like Home

__________________________________________________________________

I wanna go Home... I wanna know what it feels like...

I wanna feel comfort in someones arms...

Real comfort...

I'm not there yet..

But i know i will get there...

I gotta look inside my heart to find a world full of love... A world like Home.....

I tear up everytime i watch or hear that...

Its the truth....

All those lyrics are true...

I am trying to turn this house into a home.. and in order to do that.. I need to find real love.

Some people are trying too hard to turn a house which will stay a house into a home.. and that is not going to happen.. I do not want to get into that situation... So i need to stop trying to build a house and start building a home.

I love Whitney Houston.

Thanks for reminding me of this... even from the year 1983 you still touch me...

Now its time to go and try to find this World full of Love.

I Woke Up Today

Happy New Year 2o1o

Woke up this morning feeling different.

Saddened....

But happy.

It's like i am on a tight rope and on one side is sadness and on the other side is contentment and happiness.

I'm trying to be happy but i find myself today feeling saddened... for what reason.. i dont know but there are too many to explain...

Confused?

Well I am... HAHA..

I woke up this morning feeling.. "Different"...

Different because i know the things i need to do this week....

I'm not looking forward to it... But they have to be done...

"Different" Cuz I feel and see relationships changing....

"Different cuz i see me changing..

Yes For change...

No for the Journey I must go through to change...

But everything is a learning experience right....

I woke up today feeling........(sigh)

Well.....

Happy New Year.