(Yawn)
This is all starting to become a Bore...
I am bored staying at home...
I am bored eating the same stuff
I am bored doing the same things
I'm just bored.. thats what I am!
I really need this job in order to boost up my quality of Life..
I want to live and do lots of things, including traveling, eating different places, seeing new and different things.. Which ALL require money..
I don't want to just sit in front of my computer all day or sleep all day or just stay in my house all day everyday until i have rehearsal.. It's not fun... It's not liberating.. it's not.. ANYTHING HELPFUL TO LIFE!!
Need money fast though.. cuz it's gotten to the point of me having to pay for gas with Quarters and change. and only paying 5 dollars at a time to not be on empty. But that does not last me long.. maybe like 15 miles, but then i am back on Empty again.
And the people I hang with tell me I live too far for them to just come and visit me. So i am sitting at home with no physical contact with anyone.
This is NOT where I thought I would be at 25! NO NOT ANYTHING CLOSE!
But I guess it is a learning experience... I gotta keep telling myself that in order to stay Optimistic.
I feel like once i receive a job everything will start rolling for me!
I am truly looking very hard.. but no one is biting.. I redo my resume all the time.. Redo the cover letter. Apply daily to places and still no bites.. I do not know what I am doing wrong but i need to find out quick.. Cuz even Applying to PLaces is becoming a chore and a bore to me. Doing it almost daily for a year and a half and I can see why it is becoming something that i am tired of....
I feel like no one wants me. No job, No relationship, No family support, and even dance has seemed to turn its back on me. I had an Instructor i look up to tell me that it looks like i have not taken class before and even Elm told me I am stagnant in my growth as a dancer.. and he told me to take more classes and push myself.. Well.. its hard for me to do that with NO money and no Gas.. especially when i would have to pay 15 dollars per class.. and drive all the way to Hollywood or somewhere else. (I barely made it back home from Irvine Yesterday). I am really trying to get better.. but it seems like the harder I try, the more I seem to "get worse". I also had a fellow teammate tell me they would rather dance with another team mate of mine instead of me, and i asked him why and he said "Because it's the truth" (what is the truth, what was he trying to say?) I told my best friend about that (he is on the team also) and all he said was "That's rude". He could not even encourage me and tell me something like "Dae, don't let that get you down, everything is going to be ok" or SOMETHING!!!! Which makes me feel like what that other team mate was hinting at is what everyone feels, but will not tell me.....
So... I don't know what to do.. Not growing as a dancer.. Applying but getting no where with these jobs, Always fighting with my mother, No relationship to even lean on in this tough time in my life. No one to talk to because people will not and do not understand the extent of what is going on. Even if I try to tell them, I get tuned out by the time the minute mark hits of me talking. Trust, i know when people tune me out, so i feel like there is no reason for me to be talking in those cases anyway.. People ask me what is wrong and I know they will tune me out, so I just say "Nothing". Cuz i know they really don't concern themselves with what's going on with me.
I'm constantly stressing myself out trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Stressing because nothing seems to be going the Way it is suppose to right now! Asking God all the time For guidance and a job and giving me the strength to take care of myself.. But.. I constantly find myself STUCK....
It's ok though....
The bright side of all of this is.. I am learning to emotionally rely on myself. Becoming someone who is Mentally strong and is able to handle a lot of disappointments. Now don't get me wrong.. I do not feel my life is a disappointment, just the place where i am at right now and in the past few years I have discovered I have had a lot of disappointments. Learning how to deal with them and why they happened so that they never happen again has taken a lot out of me. I feel, though, after all is said and done.. I will be a better person for myself and my well being. I will be on top of my game. and most will not be able to faze me.
This phase in my life is like my mental gym, The more i am going through, the more weight is put on me mentally.. and the stronger I mentally and emotionally become.. so.... Through all of this i will come out stronger. I may not look Physically strong, but trust, i wont be a weakling.
I just need to get that chance to change everything in my life...
One phone call..
One Interview....
One interested look.....
One opportunity to receive some recognition for the things I have done right.....
It ALL starts with One.
But until I do....
This is all starting to become redundant
(yawn).... :-/
This is all starting to become a bore...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
One thing I have Learned
One thing i learned and try to remember is that the universe is bigger than our choices... there is more going on than we realize so we gotta just trust that if we wanna go somewhere it can and will happen even if the conventional methods of getting there, the "how" don't make sense to us- Joseph Nontanovan
Thanks For those Words!
Thanks For those Words!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A Mouse
Ohh Goodness!!!! We have a Mouse in the House! And I am not talking about Mickey Mouse! HAHAHA! I think it is because of the installation of the lights and the guy having to go in our Attic and leaving all the doors open that caused us to have this mouse... Because this is the first time we have had a mouse in 7 years! Never in this house have we had one.. So I guess it is up to me to find and kill it.. dang.. How i Hate these things!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I Love This! :-)
When People Walk Away From You,
Let them Go.
Your Destiny is Never Tied to Anyone Who Leaves You.
And it does not mean they are bad People.
It means that their part in Your Story is Over.
Let them Go.
Your Destiny is Never Tied to Anyone Who Leaves You.
And it does not mean they are bad People.
It means that their part in Your Story is Over.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Father's Day 2011
My Father passed away when I was 6 weeks old. This coming October marks the 25th year of his death.
25 years.. and i am only 24.. 6 weeks old.. I was only SIX WEEKS OLD!!!!!
I never got to even Utter the words "Dad" or "Father" to him. He never saw my first.... Anything.... everyday I wish i could hug him and just cry on his shoulder. The older I become, the more I miss my father... That is a void i can never fill.. I Never go tot hear his voice..taste his cooking, .see how tall he was, smell the aroma of his body, or even feel how soft or rough his skin was...I was robbed of that.. I always think that if he was still here things in my life would be totally different. Maybe I would not be in this situation that I am in right now....I can only dream though right?
I only have a select few pictures of him because his Mother is being stingy with the mass amounts of pictures she has of him.. she wont give me anything.. His only son.. she won't let me have that connection with him. (sigh) anyway....
Appreciate Your Fathers,,, Cuz some of us don't have them here with us anymore... Love you Dad. And I will forever need and Miss You.
25 years.. and i am only 24.. 6 weeks old.. I was only SIX WEEKS OLD!!!!!
I never got to even Utter the words "Dad" or "Father" to him. He never saw my first.... Anything.... everyday I wish i could hug him and just cry on his shoulder. The older I become, the more I miss my father... That is a void i can never fill.. I Never go tot hear his voice..taste his cooking, .see how tall he was, smell the aroma of his body, or even feel how soft or rough his skin was...I was robbed of that.. I always think that if he was still here things in my life would be totally different. Maybe I would not be in this situation that I am in right now....I can only dream though right?
I only have a select few pictures of him because his Mother is being stingy with the mass amounts of pictures she has of him.. she wont give me anything.. His only son.. she won't let me have that connection with him. (sigh) anyway....
Appreciate Your Fathers,,, Cuz some of us don't have them here with us anymore... Love you Dad. And I will forever need and Miss You.
10 Biggest Dating Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes. Here's 10 of the biggest mistakes people tend to make when they're dating someone:
10. Giving too much information too soon. Within the first few dates he/she doesn't want to hear about your horrible relationship with your mother and the guy/girl who screwed you over big time.
9.Telling them all about embarrassing moments. This ties in with the first one. I'm pretty sure telling him/her about the time you pooped your pants in the 3rd grade isn't the best ice breaker.
8. Obsessing over the ex. You wouldn't want your date going on and on about their ex boyfriend or girlfriend would you? Give them the same courtesy. Even if you're not over your ex yet, they don't need to know that.
7. Going through the motions. The worst kind of date. He or she is the type of person who won't ask you questions about yourself and when you give them details about you they seem bored or uninterested. This creature is to be avoided at all costs. Their emotionless attitude will suck the fun out of any date.
6. Making plans last-minute. It might be cool to call your friends and tell them to meet up with you in 30 minutes, but it definitely doesn't fly too well with someone you've just started dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm as spontaneous as the next girl, but it also sends the message that you don't care enough to plan things out.
5. Mistaking intense attraction for love at first sight. It's highly rare that you can truly fall in love with someone upon meeting them for the very first time. However, it is very possible you are insanely attracted to them. Don't let this affect your rationality. Once that's out the door, who knows what will happen?
4.Quit playing games; this isn't Yahtzee. Nobody likes being on the receiving end of a game. Girls like to play hard to get and guys like to ignore texts to keep her hanging. Why can't we all just be honest? If you like him or her, ask them out, let them know. How else are things ever going to progress if you're too busy playing games?
3. Don't be too quick to ignore warning signs. Yes he seems like the total package but there's still a little voice telling you something is off. Maybe he drinks a little too much and gets rowdy or maybe she is constantly on her phone 24/7. I know you might try and tell yourself it's no big deal, but there's a good chance things can only get worse.
2. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Telling white lies is common and often used to avoid hurting someone's feelings. However, if you start telling little lies to someone you're just beginning to date, chances are they're going to catch up to you. You might be getting away with murder for the time being but it takes one tiny slip to untangle and entire web and more times than not, your date is not going to be happy at all.
1. Know your boundaries. Crossing someone's line is never a good thing. This includes overdoing certain things, like mentioning your pet in every sentence, or giving overly-flirtatious compliments to your waiter or waitress. Basically this includes acting like a straight up jerk (at least this will be the perception of your date). Always be consciously aware of how you're acting and more importantly how your date is reacting to you.
Are you guilty of any of these faux pas?
________________________________________________________________________
This is Taken from user "Datingish" on Xanga......
Seeing I have never been on an Official Date, i will take these "what not to do" hints with importance. I can say though that i have been guilty of Number 1 plenty of times.... even when just trying to make a friend.. That may be something that scares people away.. I have to find a happy balance between Telling TOO much, and not telling enough!
Anyway.. I put this here just for my personal reasons, and to always have a place to go to remind me what NOT to do when those Dates start to come. :-)
10. Giving too much information too soon. Within the first few dates he/she doesn't want to hear about your horrible relationship with your mother and the guy/girl who screwed you over big time.
9.Telling them all about embarrassing moments. This ties in with the first one. I'm pretty sure telling him/her about the time you pooped your pants in the 3rd grade isn't the best ice breaker.
8. Obsessing over the ex. You wouldn't want your date going on and on about their ex boyfriend or girlfriend would you? Give them the same courtesy. Even if you're not over your ex yet, they don't need to know that.
7. Going through the motions. The worst kind of date. He or she is the type of person who won't ask you questions about yourself and when you give them details about you they seem bored or uninterested. This creature is to be avoided at all costs. Their emotionless attitude will suck the fun out of any date.
6. Making plans last-minute. It might be cool to call your friends and tell them to meet up with you in 30 minutes, but it definitely doesn't fly too well with someone you've just started dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm as spontaneous as the next girl, but it also sends the message that you don't care enough to plan things out.
5. Mistaking intense attraction for love at first sight. It's highly rare that you can truly fall in love with someone upon meeting them for the very first time. However, it is very possible you are insanely attracted to them. Don't let this affect your rationality. Once that's out the door, who knows what will happen?
4.Quit playing games; this isn't Yahtzee. Nobody likes being on the receiving end of a game. Girls like to play hard to get and guys like to ignore texts to keep her hanging. Why can't we all just be honest? If you like him or her, ask them out, let them know. How else are things ever going to progress if you're too busy playing games?
3. Don't be too quick to ignore warning signs. Yes he seems like the total package but there's still a little voice telling you something is off. Maybe he drinks a little too much and gets rowdy or maybe she is constantly on her phone 24/7. I know you might try and tell yourself it's no big deal, but there's a good chance things can only get worse.
2. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Telling white lies is common and often used to avoid hurting someone's feelings. However, if you start telling little lies to someone you're just beginning to date, chances are they're going to catch up to you. You might be getting away with murder for the time being but it takes one tiny slip to untangle and entire web and more times than not, your date is not going to be happy at all.
1. Know your boundaries. Crossing someone's line is never a good thing. This includes overdoing certain things, like mentioning your pet in every sentence, or giving overly-flirtatious compliments to your waiter or waitress. Basically this includes acting like a straight up jerk (at least this will be the perception of your date). Always be consciously aware of how you're acting and more importantly how your date is reacting to you.
Are you guilty of any of these faux pas?
________________________________________________________________________
This is Taken from user "Datingish" on Xanga......
Seeing I have never been on an Official Date, i will take these "what not to do" hints with importance. I can say though that i have been guilty of Number 1 plenty of times.... even when just trying to make a friend.. That may be something that scares people away.. I have to find a happy balance between Telling TOO much, and not telling enough!
Anyway.. I put this here just for my personal reasons, and to always have a place to go to remind me what NOT to do when those Dates start to come. :-)
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