(Sigh)
Even though you might not ever read this...
Im conflicted on the fact of how i feel..
Literally one minute its good, and the next minute it is bad..
i dont understand it..
Emotional roller coasters can never be a good thing... especially at the fast pace that i live in...
I think this post is just coming from the feeling of not wanting to be home.. but not knowing what i want to do...i feel like an emotional prisoner and stranger in my own home... Weird I know.. But everyday i am faced with an emotion i have not felt before.. And not knowing how to deal with these new emotions takes me on a ride i was not expecting... Literally one minute i can be happy.. then the next minute i feel like crying.. tssk...
The things we do for the people we love....But what about the things we do for the people who dont love us... HAHA... It's a trip...
As you can see i have soo much going on in my mind its hard to focus in on one particular thing.
I can't sleep... but that may have to do with me taking a nap earlier today...
I found myself sitting and thinking in my room just about.....everything...
I feel like i am stuck in a rut... but i do not know how to get out.
Sometimes i really feel disgusted at the thought of having a boyfriend...
Sometimes i feel like i NEED one...
Many times i feel i dont deserve a boyfriend...Not because of the things i have done in my life, but because i am not happy with Myself and the way that I am...
Many times i feel people don't deserve me... Because i won't settle for what i do not want, or because people just dont appreciate all the things i would do for them...
Sometimes I wish i lived another Life...One of just doing everything opposite of what i am doing now..
Maybe then i would have the things i want..
They say the nice guy finishes last...
sigh...
well....
:-/
I then look at people who are a mess,trust me.. they are HOT MESSES.. rude, all they care about are themselves, and how they can mislead people... and they have a boyfriend?.. hmmm... confused.. yes!
LOL
anyway.. I dont want to focus on the things I do not have..
but mainly on the different emotions i am feeling.. its draining all my energy!
How can i take a long nap.. wake up.. be up for an hour.. and then feel like i just ran a 40 mile marathon! it's because of these dang emotions...
143
143
143...
Typically stands for I love you.....
But.. Sometimes in my case.. it stands for I Hate You...
All these emotions are making me a Very Nonchalant person.. An emotionless individual...i dont want to give in to one emotion but they hit me like a Bulldozer.. But on the outside i seem together.. But on the inside it is a wreck!
Feeling like i can't escape and have some peace...
Feeling like an Emotional prisoner with no means of escape!
I could go on for Hours...
But i will stop here.
this will be a time i will NEVER wan tto revisit or come back to ever once this is over..
(Sigh)
I don't know if you will ever read this.. But...
This confliciton is causing me a whole deal of emotional pain...
Emotional Pain that was started out many moons ago... I thought it was gone.. but now it's resurfacing for me to deal with... And hopefully, really hoping that one day I will conquer.
Dae,
ReplyDeleteI think what you need, is to finally move away from home. A place of your own. Your own sanctuary. Solitude. I'm not saying what you need is to be alone, with no one to call your own. But sometimes being alone, in our own space (and I mean a MUCH bigger space, than our own little bedroom in our parent's house), is what we need in order to move forward in our lives. To see the "Bigger Picture" more clearly, and to leave behind our bad memories and hardships. To start new again. New place New life. New friends. New experiences.
I wouldn't mind being your friend again, and only a friend. To help guide you in the right path. Motivate you. Because I feel that is what you need. Motivation. A push forward, in the right direction. Not make a U-turn in the wrong direction all over again. But, if you feel you don't want me as a friend, then so be it. But, as a Leo, it's in my nature in giving H.O.P.E. (Helping Other People Everyday). It's up to others to accept it, or forget it. lol
Peace.
... Thanks.....
ReplyDeleteJust asking, not trying to be disrespectful or rude in any sort of way, but I don't think I saw any form of inquiry for your opinion...where did you?
ReplyDelete