Why Go to College?!

Why get a college degree if you can't get a job and you see people without a College Education living the lavish life and making WAY more than you?! PLEASE Help Me Understand That!

The Struggle # 3

Liking Someone who at the end of the day does not care or like you back....

The Struggle is Real.

The Struggle # 2

Running out of Clean Underwear because you can't afford to wash your clothes, forcing you to wear Pajama Pants as Underwear. 3 more pairs of pajamas are all I have left. Sigh.. The Struggle is Real!

The Struggle #1

Having Free Coffee as Breakfast because you can't afford anything else...

The Struggle is real.

Wrong Guy.

Hands Sweaty...Arm Pits starting to slighty hurt and perspire...stomach hurting and it feels like I have to poop because of the butterflies in my stomach... Could this mean I REALLY like someone...I'm nervous, excited, and turned on....all for one guy.. everytime we talk I start to get butterflies and feel sick...I've never felt something like this before.... i wanna hang out with him soo much...just hold his hand.. rub his feet, be there for him.. lay next to him.... be his confidant.. his soldier, his lover, his everything...I want to enjoy... HIM.... but.... these feelings are being wasted.... because I know that will never happen... The Feelings are not mutual....so... all of this....all on the wrong guy. :-(

Someone For Me!

When am I going to find someone for me... i often times wonder this question... at One point i just wanted ANYONE to be into me... now that some people have been feeling me... i HAVE LEARNED THAT I CAN NOT JUST HAVE anyone like me... BUT I HAVE TO BE ATTRACTED TO THEM ALSO. Whether it be physically or mentally the attraction has to be there.

i really wonder where the guy of my dreams is at... DOES he even exist.. am i putting too much into this dream guy of mine that i am eliminating every guy on this planet with my expectations?

When am I going to stop cheapening myself by being ok with being a secret or on the back burner with someone. Why am i ok with that now... Have i gotten to the point of being so low on the love gauge that i will take any and everything that is given to me with an accepting attitude.

The silent screams are getting louder... But what am I screaming for if i never change my environment to get what i want.

I change what i am doing to get what i want... meaning going out more and chilling with more people and a good friend of mine says she is concerned with me being a whore and me partying too much.. Shoot i did not do it when i was 20,21,22,23,24,25, and 26 so i might as well get it out of my system now. HAHA... but i can see what she has concerns about.... and i appreciate it :-)

when will i put into practice what i have learned... i am not sure.. I am getting tired.... of everything regarding love.. maybe its not out there for me.. i STILL HAVE HOPE...but sometimes its easier to just think no one is going to satisfy your love requirements.

Good Night.

Fairy Tales

I can remember stories,

Those things my mother said.

She told me fairy tales before I went to bed.

She spoke of a happy ending, then tucked me in real tight.

She turned my light night on, and kissed my face goodnight.

My mind was filled with the visions, of perfect paradise.

She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice.

He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night.

I'd be soo happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight.

She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie.

She never said that maybe, someday he'd say Goodbye.




The story ends, as stories do,

Reality steps into view....

No longer living life in paradise...

Or fairy tales.





Fairy Tales. Anita Baker.

Who would have known.. reality can be soo much different than fairy tales!