Having Free Coffee as Breakfast because you can't afford anything else...
The Struggle is real.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Wrong Guy.
Hands Sweaty...Arm Pits starting to slighty hurt and perspire...stomach hurting and it feels like I have to poop because of the butterflies in my stomach... Could this mean I REALLY like someone...I'm nervous, excited, and turned on....all for one guy.. everytime we talk I start to get butterflies and feel sick...I've never felt something like this before.... i wanna hang out with him soo much...just hold his hand.. rub his feet, be there for him.. lay next to him.... be his confidant.. his soldier, his lover, his everything...I want to enjoy... HIM.... but.... these feelings are being wasted.... because I know that will never happen... The Feelings are not mutual....so... all of this....all on the wrong guy. :-(
Monday, May 26, 2014
Someone For Me!
When am I going to find someone for me... i often times wonder this question... at One point i just wanted ANYONE to be into me... now that some people have been feeling me... i HAVE LEARNED THAT I CAN NOT JUST HAVE anyone like me... BUT I HAVE TO BE ATTRACTED TO THEM ALSO. Whether it be physically or mentally the attraction has to be there.
i really wonder where the guy of my dreams is at... DOES he even exist.. am i putting too much into this dream guy of mine that i am eliminating every guy on this planet with my expectations?
When am I going to stop cheapening myself by being ok with being a secret or on the back burner with someone. Why am i ok with that now... Have i gotten to the point of being so low on the love gauge that i will take any and everything that is given to me with an accepting attitude.
The silent screams are getting louder... But what am I screaming for if i never change my environment to get what i want.
I change what i am doing to get what i want... meaning going out more and chilling with more people and a good friend of mine says she is concerned with me being a whore and me partying too much.. Shoot i did not do it when i was 20,21,22,23,24,25, and 26 so i might as well get it out of my system now. HAHA... but i can see what she has concerns about.... and i appreciate it :-)
when will i put into practice what i have learned... i am not sure.. I am getting tired.... of everything regarding love.. maybe its not out there for me.. i STILL HAVE HOPE...but sometimes its easier to just think no one is going to satisfy your love requirements.
Good Night.
i really wonder where the guy of my dreams is at... DOES he even exist.. am i putting too much into this dream guy of mine that i am eliminating every guy on this planet with my expectations?
When am I going to stop cheapening myself by being ok with being a secret or on the back burner with someone. Why am i ok with that now... Have i gotten to the point of being so low on the love gauge that i will take any and everything that is given to me with an accepting attitude.
The silent screams are getting louder... But what am I screaming for if i never change my environment to get what i want.
I change what i am doing to get what i want... meaning going out more and chilling with more people and a good friend of mine says she is concerned with me being a whore and me partying too much.. Shoot i did not do it when i was 20,21,22,23,24,25, and 26 so i might as well get it out of my system now. HAHA... but i can see what she has concerns about.... and i appreciate it :-)
when will i put into practice what i have learned... i am not sure.. I am getting tired.... of everything regarding love.. maybe its not out there for me.. i STILL HAVE HOPE...but sometimes its easier to just think no one is going to satisfy your love requirements.
Good Night.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Fairy Tales
I can remember stories,
Those things my mother said.
She told me fairy tales before I went to bed.
She spoke of a happy ending, then tucked me in real tight.
She turned my light night on, and kissed my face goodnight.
My mind was filled with the visions, of perfect paradise.
She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice.
He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night.
I'd be soo happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight.
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie.
She never said that maybe, someday he'd say Goodbye.
The story ends, as stories do,
Reality steps into view....
No longer living life in paradise...
Or fairy tales.
Fairy Tales. Anita Baker.
Who would have known.. reality can be soo much different than fairy tales!
Those things my mother said.
She told me fairy tales before I went to bed.
She spoke of a happy ending, then tucked me in real tight.
She turned my light night on, and kissed my face goodnight.
My mind was filled with the visions, of perfect paradise.
She told me everything, she said he'd be so nice.
He'd ride up on his horse and, take me away one night.
I'd be soo happy with him, we'd ride clean out of sight.
She never said that we would, curse, cry and scream and lie.
She never said that maybe, someday he'd say Goodbye.
The story ends, as stories do,
Reality steps into view....
No longer living life in paradise...
Or fairy tales.
Fairy Tales. Anita Baker.
Who would have known.. reality can be soo much different than fairy tales!
Monday, February 3, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Dead Ends
Its taken me 10 years (I would say 27 years... but I have not been relationship minded since birth) to realize that i do not want to be a "side man" or a "call whenever YOU want to" type of guy. I would LOVE to be someone's main dish.. someone Go to guy for Anything. It's been a long road for me to realize that. Now I am not saying hook ups for me are over... We all have our quick needs.. but i am wanting something more. Something more with a lot of excitement and discovery. I look at all my friends in relationships and I see them doing little cute things with their boyfriends and i can't help but want the same thing.. eventually..
I want it when the time is right.. I do not want to force a relationship... but I do not want to wait forever.
I always tend to get into things where I am the side piece, NO MORE IN 2014. hahaha. It's time I Demand Worth, and not de-value myself with all these people who do not really want me to begin with.
That's going to be the hard part.. is figuring out who really wants to be with me, and who just is having me there whenever they get lonely.
Good things come to those who wait... Good things come to those who wait.. That's what I have to keep telling myself until He comes.
Until then.. no more getting myself into situations that I KNOW are dead ends.
Peace :-)
I want it when the time is right.. I do not want to force a relationship... but I do not want to wait forever.
I always tend to get into things where I am the side piece, NO MORE IN 2014. hahaha. It's time I Demand Worth, and not de-value myself with all these people who do not really want me to begin with.
That's going to be the hard part.. is figuring out who really wants to be with me, and who just is having me there whenever they get lonely.
Good things come to those who wait... Good things come to those who wait.. That's what I have to keep telling myself until He comes.
Until then.. no more getting myself into situations that I KNOW are dead ends.
Peace :-)
Monday, January 13, 2014
2014
HAPPY 2014!!!!!!!
:-)
I wish I could stay home and have sex all day!!! Wouldn't that be AWESOME! hahaha
Here's to 2014! LET'S ENJOY IT! :-D
:-)
I wish I could stay home and have sex all day!!! Wouldn't that be AWESOME! hahaha
Here's to 2014! LET'S ENJOY IT! :-D
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