Sunday, July 7, 2013
Someones #1
Sitting here on this Sunday early morning just thinking. I can't fall asleep so I'm just thinking. I'm tired of being the last resort for people or just people taking advantage of me. I want someone who wants me for their first choice... not their last. It sucks feeling this way. Almost every encounter I have had I hand Ben made to feel that way. I guess that's why my self esteem is so low. I can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. What so I need to change though? Where do I start? How can one not feel like they are the last resort? Being ignored until they are ready to talk to me is never cool. I see it always go down like this. I smile.... but it hurts inside... bad. I give and give and expect the same in return. It's never like that. I just want to be someones #1.....but I guess it's time to just realize that's never going to happen.
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This is difficult because as we embark on this journey, we have to remember that we are ourselves #1 all the time. At the end of the day, we cannot stop loving ourselves and treating ourselves poorly because then we leave the door open for others to do so. We have lowered the bar, our standards and our expectations of others so they do not need to meet very high. I am sorry that you have been having difficult encounters with men but I hope you don't give up and really try to open yourself to new things, unexplored possibilities and really take the time to nurture and cultivate everything great about yourself. Try something new, it's true you can't do the same things and expect different results. Hence, the reason I stopped going to clubs looking for men lol. It's all in reflecting, accepting and changing the scenery.
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