To me..... Being gay is one of the hardest things i have to deal with....
to seeing friends wanting to kill themselves
to just feeling like i am Not wanted or even needed...
just because i am gay.
I went out yesterday for a friends birthday and saw how easy it was for her to get and talk to guys...
when i try to do that.. i get stared at and rejected quicker the an old bottle of rotten milk..
and i ask myself..
what is wrong with me?
Am i ugly,
Do i stink,
what is wrong...
I always seem to get looked over for some reason....
Today i am a lot stronger then what i was 365 days ago..
But i still feel that it is not enough
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Sigh.....
soo much is going through my mind...
i have written and deleted soo much of this post...
it's crazy..
bottom line is...
Sometimes i think being gay is the hardest things i have to deal with.
You are definitely not the only one...there have certainly been times where I wish I could close the door to the closet I hid in but then I think about some of the great new friends I've made and some even stronger connections with people of known for years because they just saw me the person and not the lezzie that Steph grew up to be. (My apologies for the run-on sentence) However, that sinking feeling with relationships will change once we truly feel free in every aspect of our lives...for you that will definitely come when you move out. Nothing more free than knowing that you aren't in a place where there is major negativity headed your way.
ReplyDeleteBTW, you should check out B. Slade & his mixtape, A Brilliant Catastrophe.
ReplyDeleteThank You Steph... I appreciate those words! I think moving out i the best thing for me.. I can't wait.. I am soo excited... :-) And who is B. Slade?!
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